State of the Useless 2015: He is still talking

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President Obama gave his 2015 State of the Useless address on Tuesday night to a nation weary of his words. Despite people begging him to stop, he spoke for over an hour.

The SOTU drinking game was the closest thing to entertainment on this night. Many Americans were waiting for the night’s Milli Vanilli moment when Obama’s prerecorded voice tape skips and he stammers trying to lip-synch.

“Let me be a mistake. Make no clear about it. It’s the right America for a thing of some sort.”

The selfie-taking Pajamaboy metrosexual who never grew up and left school was determined not to mention al Qaeda. This was the night Obama surrendered his charge faster than a French soldier and officially became President Peter Pansy. Obama is the effeminate snob love child of John Kerry & Francois Hollande.

There was no word on whether Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama or Elizabeth Warren is Puff the Magic Dragon.

Americans want Obama to stop terrorists and provide jobs. Obama’s response was to offer free college tuition and raises taxes.

Sports fans suggested that NFL Network rerun the NFC Title Game so nobody would watch the SOTU. Obama is more like the AFC Title Game. He is boring, and it is always the loser who makes deflated excuses.

One thing Obama could have done is combine his domestic and foreign policy agendas. He could propose free college tuition for ISIS if they promise to sing James Taylor, stop fighting, and hug. We should give tax credits to ISIS so they can invest in education. We are all one big global community family. Give ISIS home loans if they promise to put solar panels on their homes. ISIS can take civics classes taught by Al Sharpton.

Obama hugged Kerry before his speech. They did not French kiss, although the attraction was palpable. Both men love themselves unconditionally.

Then he began speaking, and the world’s stomachs began churning.

Obama bragged about a low unemployment, which is because people have given up looking for work.  He crowed about how more kids are graduating. Most of them cannot find work. He did his peacock strut about how more people are insured than ever before. That was just fiction.

He spoke about America being free from the grip of foreign oil while neglecting to mention that he is rabidly anti-oil. The drilling is on private lands beyond his regulatory clutches.

He said that the combat in Afghanistan “is over.” It may be over for our side, but al Qaeda and its offshoots are still fighting.

“The shadow of crisis has past.”

How would he know? He can’t see anything from where is head is lodged.

“Will we allow ourselves to be sorted into factions and turned against one another?”

That is Obama’s presidency. He does exactly that. It is the Alinsky tactic of divide and conquer.

Obama then summoned up Terrell Owens with his “I love me some me!” rhetoric. Obama has as many successes as Owens has Super Bowl rings

“These policies will continue to work as long as politics does not get in the way.”

He is politics. His policies have failed.

“We need to do more than just do no harm.”

That was him threatening the American people. Screwing up the little things is not enough. Obama demanded that we all go big or go homeless.

“We want everyone to contribute to our success.”

Half of the country pays no taxes. 100% of them are Obama voters.

Obama said that seven days of paid sick leave is, “the right thing to do” simply because he said so. He said it twice because that means something to him.

Free Community College may also mean that Obama Stoners get free marijuana as well. Being forced to attend classes is racist for students & teachers.

“If you want somebody who is going to get the job done right, hire a veteran.”

America hired a rookie as President. Obama justified his own firing.

He said he wants a “free and open internet” despite trying to regulate it through net neutrality and other big government monitoring methods.

He wants to ”convert sunlight into liquid fuel.” He is the last person to talk about light. Every space is dark, especially the one between his Vulcan ears. He probably thinks liquid fuel is Gatorade.

Obama said that we must close the holes that allow some to benefit at the expense of others. That  was the moment he vowed to sew his own mouth shut.

“I believe in a smarter kind of American leadership.” Americans were relived that he finally announced he was resigning. He could have said that to start and saved everyone an hour.

He waxed idiotically about the mythical “power of American strength and diplomacy.”

It is zero, like the O in Obama, absolutely 0, zero, zilch. Kerry Frenching Hollande is soft power.

“When something doesn’t work for 50 years, its time to try something new.”

Obama has not worked for 52 years. When does he try work?

Talking about North Korea and Sony, Obama said that no hacker should succeed. That means nothing. The hackers did succeed, and they did so on his watch.

“No challenge poses a greater threat to future generations than climate change.”

Radical Islam is the world’s greatest threat. Anybody who believes climate change is more important needs a rocket launcher up their hide. It makes for a great reality check. 

Obama said we must ”speak out against the deplorable anti-Semitism that has resurfaced in certain parts of the world.”

Al Sharpton is Obama’s BFF. Obama puts in one pro-Israel or pro-Jewish throwaway line so liberal Jews will continue drinking out of the Obama family dog’s water dish. Obama’s fellow leftist pointy-headed academics are where plenty of anti-Semitism is found.

He will not rest until every Gitmo prisoner is released back to the battlefield. The O stands for obtuse.

Obama decried naysayers who insisting that in the Obama world, “the vision itself is misguided, naive.” He never said why the naysayers were wrong.

“I still think the cynics are wrong.”

He is the cynic. Now he is arguing with himself. Somebody get him a doctor that doesn’t take Obamacare!

He wants “a better politics is one where we debate without demonizing each other.”

He is delusional. He is the one who called the GOP “hostage takers” who were “putting a gun to his head.”

“I have no more campaigns to run. I know because I won both of them.”

Said the liberal who got his pompous @ss kicked in 2010 & 2014.

If climate change mattered this gasbag president would be killing the planet off before his speech ended.

Republicans and conservatives can bash Obama’s speech on Wednesday, but then no more. On Thursday, everyone should stop mentioning his name. He’s flaccid. Impotent. Done.

This was the 2015 State of the Useless brought to you by the leader of Gasbagistan. Selfie-taking Metrosexual Pajamaboys loved his speech. The real world ignored it.

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