John McCain Writes New Book About Poor Judgement

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McCain teamed up with a guy who voted for Hillary to write another book and he’s now working with the nerds at Apple to help drive sales to iPad users.

In order to read the excerpt, you must log into an Apple News service, because if one thing is clear in the world it’s that iPhone hipsters love reading John McCain excerpts about life lessons.

‘The Restless Wave’

First announced in October of last year, The Restless Wave will be released in full on May 22nd. He has previously called the book a “his most personal in years,” the “no-holds-barred” tome is fully named The Restless Wave: Good Times, Just Causes, Great Fights, and Other Appreciations.

The book is co-authored by McCain’s speechwriter Mark Salter, and it will cover present issues as well as the 2008 campaign.

In March, publisher Simon & Schuster said that the book will be “candid, pragmatic, and always fascinating” saying that McCain “holds nothing back in his latest memoir.”

Not The First Memoir

In 2016, McCain and Salter published a memoir entitled Faith of My Fathers. According to the worst rating on Amazon I could find:

“The real shame in “Faith of My Fathers” is that McCain was involved at all; Salter’s efforts clearly demonstrate the ghostwriter’s skill, whereas J.M. has merely phoned in his oft-championed ‘trials and tribulations.’ It’s flat, for one, and so overtly self-congratulatory that one cannot help but think that McCain might as well taken the little time he spent on this and just petitioned to have his face carved on Mt. Rushmore. A waste of time.”

Who’s Mark Salter?

Born in Iowa and now in his early 60s, Mark Salter got his start as a speechwriter for the Ambassador to the United Nations, Jeane Kirkpatrick who was assigned to her post under Ronald Reagan.

Salter started working for McCain after the two met at a Republican convention in 1998 and he was responsible for the forgettable speeches given by McCain during the 2008 election cycle. At the time, Newsweek said that the two were “stylistically similar and share a world view,” which tells us almost nothing.

Salter has worked with McCain on at least 6 of his books, and he has earned credit for his role as a ghostwriter. Later, Salter would ghostwrite a glowing book about Barack Obama.

In 2016, Salter announced that he would support the liar Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump for President.

So It’s A Book By A Guy Who Voted For Hillary?


I’ll Bite, What’s In The Apple Preview?

Now at 81, John McCain and Mark Salter try to use emotional language to set the reader up into what will be the inevitable conclusion: That Trump is a jerk, and that he totally deserved to win in 2008 and you should all be down on your knees thanking him for his brilliant leadership.

“This is my last term. If I hadn’t admitted that to myself before this summer, a stage 4 cancer diagnosis acts as ungentle persuasion. I’m freer than [my] colleagues who will face the voters again. I can speak my mind without fearing the consequences much. And I can vote my conscience without worry.”

Hear ye, hear ye. This book reads like the diary found by a 19th century castaway sailor who knows that soon his diet of coconut crabs and pelicans will no longer sustain him and that he will never be recused.

[READ MORE: John McCain Accuses Rand Paul of Working for Putin]

McCain is clearly still sore that Trump ripped on his for his service in Vietnam. One month into his nomination process, Trump said: “I like people that weren’t captured.”

In response, John McCain shows that it’s possible to completely alienate a read by using really fancy words. Gee, maybe if you hadn’t worked with a guy who made you sound like the bratty over educated son of a British Lord then you would’ve connected with the voters:

“[Trump] has declined to distinguish the actions of our government from the crimes of despotic ones. The appearance of toughness, or a reality show facsimile of toughness, seems to matter more than any of our values.”

McCain, or rather Salter went on to say that he would like us to “recover our sense that we are more alike than different.” Oh yeah that’ll work. It’s the voters who are wrong, not you, John.

How To Appeal To Voters: Quote Books Nobody Reads!

If you’re going to quote someone, quote a musician that your crowd knows — like Trump with the Al Wilson song about a Snake, or the writers who mention Robert Frost. Al Wilson and Robert Frost are in the heads of voters. Heck, even Hank Williams is a better choice that this. Here’s what McCain, uh Salter wrote:

“‘The world is a fine place and worth the fighting for and I hate very much to leave it,’ spoke my hero, Robert Jordan, in For Whom the Bell Tolls.”

I had to Google it. I knew Robert Jordan wrote fantasy books, and I know For Whom The Bell Tolls is from the English poet John Donne who answered that it tolls for thee — but I didn’t know that Robert Jordan is a character in a Hemingway novel called For Whom The Bell Tolls. And I have one of those fancy useless liberal arts educations.

[READ MORE: John McCain Was Essential to the Russian Dossier]

Good luck with your book sales, John. I can’t wait to see how many more people read it and feel like they’re being lectured down to by a loser.

Sources: Apple News, Fox News, CNN

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