Happy Cinco De Muhammado Lag B’Omer Pam Geller Fatwas Day

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Mexican culture was honored with Cinco de Mayo and Jews just celebrated Lag B’Omer. The Kentucky Derby brought good feelings across the nation and the second Sunday of May brings Mother’s Day. Meanwhile, the typical suspects were acting like mothers, and not the good kind.

When Pamela Geller showed that Islamists act violent, they responded by acting violent. She drew Mohammed. Islamists responded with death threats. It is time for non-Muslims to start issuing Fatwas of their own against third world barbarians.

Bring back the Crusades if necessary. Islamists must be stopped. Meanwhile, leftists blamed Geller and coddled Islamists because water is wet.

With that, a Happy Cinco de Muhammado Lag B’Omer Pam Geller Fatwas Day.

Cinco De Mayo is a day to honor people who help preserve a beautiful culture and civilization. Let us all share a toast to Pamela Geller and Robert Spencer.

Pamela Geller should have waited one day. Have Mexicans draw the Prophet on Cinco de Muhammado. This adds to diversity and multiculturalism because #‎Jihadistlivesmatter.

Anybody who thinks Pamela Geller provoked Islamists has already been beheaded, is dead from the neck up, and has their severed head up their hide.

A woman in a short skirt in a bad neighborhood at night is not asking to be raped. Pamela Geller is not asking to be beheaded. Liberal feminists remain confused.

Is a woman who mouths off to her man “asking for it?” If not, liberal feminists must defend Pamela Geller, not tell her metaphorically to ”shut up b.”

Liberal feminists believe that violence against women is wrong unless the aggressor is a liberal or a Muslim or the victim is a conservative like Pamela Geller. The ‎war onconservative women continues.

ISIS threatened to kill Pamela Geller for mocking their religion. These Islamists are almost as intolerant as climate changers & feminists.

When Islamists come for leftists, conservatives will not be there to speak up. Liberals with a suicide wish may be too dumb to save.

At this point it is time to issue some fatwas.

Fatwa: Muslims caught calling Jews descendants of apes and pigs shall immediately be put to death for insulting Abraham’s people. Hashem Akbar!

Fatwa: Sharia law is now illegal. Any man caught practicing Islamic law shall be locked in a room with Liz Warren. She will lecture about equality and read the Vagina Monologues while naked. Thus it is decreed! Feminism Akbar!

Fatwa: Climate change skeptics shall be pelted with vegetables by naked screaming Al Gore. Gaea Akbar!

Fatwa: Anyone criticizing or drawing a picture of President Barack Obama shall be forced to watch MSNBC’s screaming pantsless Chris Matthews. Obama Akbar!

A fatwa that anyone criticizing President Obama be subjected to IRS targeting did not happen this week because Eric Holder issued that Fatwa in January of 2009. Obama Akbar!

Fatwa: When Cinco de Mayo falls on Taco Tuesday, Americans must use Halal approved Pico de Gallo. Taco (ak)Bar!

Fatwa: Sesame Street and all kids programs since 1979 are Zionist propaganda. To dance your cares away insults the Prophet’s law. Fraggle Rockbar!

Fatwa: All Islamists shall be forced to sit through a political convention’s platform committee meeting. The ACLU has vowed to sue, citing the Geneva Convention’s ban on torture. Islamists begged for mercy and asked if they could sit on Rules or Resolutions Committees instead. Democrat delegates said they have no rules and resolve nothing. Islamists were caught yelling a battle cry that sounded like “Quorom!”

A fatwa on Pamela Geller was mistakenly issued on Sarah Michelle Gellar. Islamists apologized and said they support slaying Zionist vampires. Buffy Akbar!

Ross & Monica Geller were declared part of the Zionist conspiracy since David Schwimmer is Jewish. Chandler Bing will be spared until Matthew Perry can be identified. Other Friends can survive as long as they are not Friends of the IDF.

Islamists plotting to blow up Hawaii killed each other instead when a fight broke out over whether to yell “Aloha Akbar” or “Mahalo Akbar.”

When told neither phrase made sense, Islamists pointed out that nothing they say or do makes sense.

Jews just celebrated Lag B’Omer.

Fatwa: Any Islamist not celebrating Lag B’Omer must be killed for insulting the Jewish Prophets Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Hashem Akbar!

On Lag B’Omer, Jews light bonfires. Islamists got excited until learning that the fires are contained, buildings are not torched, and no infidels are thrown in the fire.

Fatwa: If Islamists want to start a new Jewish tradition, some Jews would be happy to celebrate Lag B’Omer by burning Islamist headquarters and tossing Islamists into the bonfires. Lag B’Omer Akbar!

President Obama and Hillary Clinton think they walk on water and walk through fire. Both of them got singed trying to do this during a Lag B’Omer remake of “Bonfire of the Vanities.”

Issuing Fatwas is tiring.

Fatwa: A sleepy Supreme Islamist leader, after consulting with the even more domineering Mchelle Obama, decreed a FLOTUS-approved multicultural lunchtime and naptime. Fiesta Siesta Akbar!

To honor Cinco de Mayo, President Obama and Eric Holder vowed for one day only to stop gunrunning and getting innocent Mexicans killed #FastAndFurious style. Lag B’Omer was not honored, and Iran is still free to build a bomb and murder Jews. When asked for comments, liberal Jews responded, “We love FDR and eagerly await his twentieth term.”

This concludes the Cinco de Muhammado Lag B’Omer Pam Geller Fatwas Day Report.

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