‘Dear Millenials: Move to Iowa, Quit Eating Tide Pods’

Iowa: Too Many Jobs, Not Enough People

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This is my direct letter to not all; but a lot of you Millenials:

For the past 8-10 years, I’ve been hearing a lot of whining and you might be pleased to know I don’t blame you one bit. I do ask that you be open-minded enough to stop being a Millennial and enter real adulthood.

There’s nothing I despise more than some old fart, be they Republican or Democrat, saying something to the effect of: “Kids are so stupid”… You aren’t stupid. You’re a whole lot smarter than those old farts, but there’s one thing we all have in common:

When we were kids, we were highly impressionable – and so are you. To sum it up; you’re much more intelligent and talented – but completely brainwashed into believing fairy tales, instead of the historical, time-tested and pre-marketed realities of life.

You’re constantly bombarded with Chicken-Little warnings about the environment, world wars, dangerous laws, terrorism, natural disasters, somebody getting offended, adults allowing an 8-year-old to decide if they’re a boy or a girl – then later getting mutilated by an evil surgeon, people who got rich through Capitalism preaching the evils of Capitalism, perverts in high-office and corruption everywhere.

Also know, it’s our fault.

We conservatives were not tough enough in the 80’s and 90’s to do more than acknowledge that creeping socialism, the glorification of violence and the sexualization of children would get us here. We shouted from the hills for the past 40 years that single-family homes are a scourge.

We screamed that outlets like MTV consistently and intently sexualized young girls and that it would be devastating to both genders as well as families. We got angry about George Bush the elder betraying the Reagan Revolution and returning to his liberal, pro-choice, big-spending, big government roots.

We went nuts when movies, television, video games and online images of graphic violence and perversion were rewarded with celebrity, riches and rewards. But the problem is, we stood by and let it happen.

The hippies have succeeded in tearing apart the family with welfare, enabling and creating poverty with free everything, and ripping apart relationships with vitriol and hate.

So here you are, Millenials. Instead of getting out there and kicking the world’s ass, you’re entitled to live in your parents home, be on their insurance, taught that being confused about which bathroom to use is not only perfectly normal – but something to be celebrated, and to eat Tide Pods.

We had to eat our soap out of a box, by the way. Then walk to school in the snow. I know, I know, you don’t have a sense of humor because they say jokes are fake news and racist. Jokes.

I don’t blame you for whining and being angry – and I’m sorry. I tried, but the fact is – now I can’t even explain it to you for fear of losing my job, my way of life, my business, my future, my means of feeding my family – everything. I can’t pursuade or convince you that there are only two genders – despite every scientist on earth who isn’t insane saying exactly that.

Looking around, I see Millenials glorifying and worshiping people like Che Guevara, Bill Ayers, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Bill Clinton and until very recently, Harvey Weinstein.

Can’t say you’re at fault here – after all, your teachers in high school and college have been selling you on all this for decades. And I know that when you spoke up for yourself, you were removed from the classroom – lest you infect the others with a competing idea.

All you have to do is drive past any Junior High or High School on a warm spring day and you can see hundreds of young teen girls wearing hooker outfits. Hey – that’s what boys want, right? That’s what you see everywhere, hear everywhere and what is pushed and backed up by professors, broadcasters, celebrities, favorite TV characters, your heroes, etc. – they all told you it was cool.

I did speak up, but it’s obvious I wasn’t loud enough and damn sure was not effective in communicating to you that the whole thing’s a scam. The bad joke’s on you and these “enlightened”; “progressive” and “open-minded” liberals don’t care about you in the least. They only wanted money and power.

So here you are. The greatest health care system in the world is ruined and I don’t think it’s ever coming back. The treasury is looted and replaced with your IOU’s to China. Morality not only doesn’t exist – when you point that  fact out, you risk losing everything – even your Liberty.

Millenials on the whole, don’t believe in Free Speech, the Right to Bear Arms, the Right to Live, Capitalism, marriage, or science – but make no mistake: That’s what they were told and had pounded into their brains for their entire lives. Good news is I have a solution:

Put down the Tide Pod and move to Iowa~!

That’s right – all you whiners who can’t get employed and become too busy to be whiners, you need to move to the Midwest and get a job. Where? How about Iowa for starters. Iowa is not super conservative or super liberal. They just are Iowans – nice people who work hard and think critically.

I used to spend my summers in Ames, Iowa and when I moved to Los Angeles I was kind of shocked that the State of Iowa was routinely mocked by my fellow Californians as being a place where only a bunch of dumb ass, hayseed, sheep lived.

After spending a lot of time in New York, I found the same attitude. “Flyover Country” they would say, implying they were special, smarter and more important than Mid Westerners. So that’s probably what you Millenials think of the MidWest – after all, the NY Times, CNN, NBC and the rest of them are all in California or New York – were all the smart, enalightened, progressive, caring liberals operate out of.

They lied to you, Millenials and very belatedly, I’d like to tell you the truth: Socialism leads to one thing. The Sexualization of Children leads to one thing. The glorification of violence leads to one thing. Giving money to the poor with no strings attached leads to one thing. Convincing people that having a mom and a dad is not the best situation leads to one thing. Lying about how you can become the other gender if you feel like it leads to one thing.

In short: Left-wing ideology leads to one thing. Unhappiness.

Millenials you may be smarter, but you are far less happy and I’m sorry – it happened on my watch. Move to Iowa if you want to be happier. As a bonus; manufacturers in northern Iowa are begging for freshly trained workers for their factories and their ain’t enough students to train or people to hire.

It is a problem playing out in many parts of the Midwest, a region with lower unemployment and higher job-opening rates than the rest of the country. Employers, especially in more rural areas, are finding that there are just too few workers.

That runs contrary to the long-running view in Washington, D.C., and many state capitals, where policy makers often say the unemployed simply lack the skills to get hired. BS. I’ll give you an example: In Chicago, there is a free training program – for women only – who want to become welders. I used to be a welder and it’s a damn good paying job.

My Millennial Female Friends: Move to Illinois, become a welder – you’ll become a foreman in no time and probably an executive of the company if you try hard enough. Don’t tell me welding is a man’s job – even though it is a really, really tough job – I can tell you first-hand.

No? Well, South Carolina and Georgia are on the same path, with manufacturing plants expanding and new ones moving in. There will be a huge shortage of workers there as well pretty soon.

I could go on, but I won’t because you’ve been told that everyone has to go to college and so what if you’re racking up $50,000 in loans for a degree no one cares about? Didn’t your college professors and liberal politicians say the government owes you a job? You know that lie now, but you’re holding onto all the others – in the face of clear evidence to the contrary.

I’m genuinely sorry that I failed in steering you to the truth of the matter about the fairy tale of socialism, the importance of the family and that when you give someone something for nothing – you enable them. You are paying them to stay right where they are. Comfortably numb.

You give a bum on the off-ramp some change – there’s only one person benefitting from that exchange and that’s you, my friend. Despite what you’ve been taught – that bum will stay right there as long as you pay him to. He’s got a government check, a substance abuse problem, probably some serious emotional issues, no self-esteem, likely no friends and no prospects.

But you think you’re special and caring because you give him a buck or two bits? There’s something you have got to do: Grow up and look at the reality of what Democrat politicians are selling you. That welfare helps people, telling little kids there’s no boy or girl until they feel right about it, or that Al Gore is an all-knowing, Super-scientist who gets it right every time he changes the name of the Fairy Tale.

I should have grabbed you by your beards and really enlightened you to the actual facts of how great this country is, how work is it’s own reward, about honor and dignity. I should have persuaded you too think for yourself, get in the game and kick the world’s ass.

We are still hoping some of you will read this and grow up.

Of course, you’re going to have to pass a drug test, train hard, work hard, learn fast and be self-disciplined, subordinate, hard-nosed, determined and optimistic.

In other words, you’re fu**ked. … sorry.

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