Creepy Joe Biden Wants To Get Physical With Trump

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Joe Biden and Donald Trump are inching towards the bare knuckling boxing match of the century. Trump has the Mohammed Ali pre-fight banter, but can he take on Creepy Joe?

This is the second time former Veep Joe Biden has physically threatened Donald Trump, and it’s the second time that federal authorities have not hauled him off to an underground bunker to put the boots to him for uttering threats against the President of the United Sates of America.


Biden’s Remarks

Yesterday at a Violence Against Women (presumably anti-violence against women) Rally, Biden spoke to the crowd and said he would have used violence against Trump if the two had gone to the same high school together.

Biden referred to himself as “a pretty d*mn good athlete” and said that any guy who talked “that way” about women (referring to Trump’s checkered past on the Women Issue) was usually the “fattest, ugliest SOB in the room.”

Specifically, Biden said this about dealing with Trump:

“‘If we were in high school, I’d take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him.”

Is Biden at such a loss for what to do with his life that he’s reliving a nostalgic past? Wasn’t there a Seinfeld episode about a series of older men in a family trying to beat up Jerry only to land in the hospital?

Trump’s Response

Donald was friends with legend Muhammad Ali for 35 years, and it’s safe to say Trump picked up some pointers on how to respond to challenges in the media.

Who Would Win?


Trump’s Health

In a recent interview with Reuters, Trump said that he gets “more exercise than people think.” After all, his campaign schedule in 2015 to 2016 would have exhausted even a fit man in his 30s. Trump strikes me as one of those successful guys who’s the first at the office in the morning along with the janitor.

Trump said that he runs between buildings and he’s always walking. He has also been a golf player for years. Only someone who’s never been to a driving range would think that noodle arms are acceptable. But, left wing media was quick to say that Trump dared to use a golf cart between holes to save the time.

Speaking with the Washington Post, anti-Trump left wingers tried to paint Trump like a crazy person who believes that the “human body was like a battery with a finite amount of energy, which exercise only depleted.” Well, is he wrong? Everyone only has a few decades on earth, and yes, exercise will burn energy and therefore tire you out. Religious people have no issue with seeing the body as finite.

In a 2015 interview, Trump used anecdotal evidence that his gym rat friends are all getting new knees by the time they’re in their mid fifties. Cardio will do that to you, but not weight lifting.

Of course I’m not saying that Trump is the picture of health. At his 6’3 height and 239 pounds, he’s certainly overweight. But how would that translate to a one-on-one fight with Biden? Being the bigger guy in a fight doesn’t always work out.

[SEE ALSO: CNN Host Says He Would Poison Trump If He Had To Cook For Him]

Answering press questions about diet and exercise won’t sway Trump. His family are well into physical fitness. His wife Melania used to upload images of her meals and cooking choices to social media before taking over as FLOTUS. Here’s one of her images, showing celery, shallots, lemons, onions, fingerling potatoes, flat leaf Italian parsley and zucchini. Not quite the Big Macs of Donald.

Lara Lea, wife of Eric Trump often posts fitness inspired videos and photos of family ski trips and walking the beagles.

Happy 10 year anniversary @laraleatrump! #colorado #skiing #awesomewife

A post shared by Eric F. Trump (@erictrump) on

Even Kai Trump, the daughter of Don Jr. and Vanessa is featured in her father’s social media posts. No amount of media shaming will convince Trump to pick up the gym habit if even his family can’t get him to join them.

Biden’s Health

Joe Biden, 72, has been pushing the idea of his ultra strong man physicality for years. Here’s a video from 2015 showing him doing fast bicep curls while talking on the phone. If you can’t see, that’s a 30 lb weight. The video was in response to Michelle Obama’s campaign to get people to do five reps. Biden responds by saying he does “a million of these” every day. The video shows only four reps. Besides — countless studies show that doing three sets of reps is the only way to improve. Ah, nevermind, Michelle and Joe aren’t doing this for self improvement, this is all about the selfies.

Watching Biden perform incomplete bicep curls while wearing a dress shirt is as bad as seeing women in the gym with their makeup done.

Final Prediction for Trump VS Biden

Two heart attacks and two angry wives saying “I told you so!” while still-in-shape Mike Pence takes over the Oval Office for a few days.

Sources: Newsweek, QZ, Twitter, Washington Post

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