Face Rejection Without Rejecting Yourself

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I came up out of a crazy dream around 4 or 5 the other morning, with quite a deep pit of grief around my heart, could not wait to fall asleep again hoping it would magically disappear. When I sat down to meditate this morning I had the thought, “face rejection” and immediately I was in touch with that grief pit again.

Events happen for a reason I suppose. The reason they happen is very seldom the reason we tell ourselves they happen.

We usually tell ourselves that we did something wrong or that we are somehow at fault. Even if we say it is the other person’s fault, we may still secretly believe we could have done something differently.

Each situation in our life is a lesson on how to love ourselves more deeply. Lately, I have several friends who are not talking to me, and without explanation. I was divorced a long time ago and it was not pleasant for me.

I ended a two-year relationship with a woman around two years ago. There were good things about it and bad things as well. I have often debated if I did the right thing for myself in that situation. Saying no to women is always fraught with anxiety for me.

Not that you won’t say or do things that lead to rejection. I said some things in that relationship that still haunt me now. I maybe got out because I feared rejection, or I was afraid of the responsibility, or that I was not sure if I wanted to return to the streets.

Looking back I would say that I did not know myself well enough and had too many unprocessed wounds, to be in a committed relationship. I can’t judge myself for that, have matured a whole bunch since then as well. So the idea here is; even if you find yourself rejected for good cause, allow yourself some forgiveness. Don’t reject yourself when you are rejected, in other words.

I only recently started dating again. A woman I had seen a couple of times dropped me off at home one night and I could sense something was wrong. I called a couple of times and left a text. Never heard from her again. In my mind part of me is like, “I know I suck, so please tell me how I suck so I can do something about it.” A person who loves themselves does not think that way about themselves.

You see my past rejections well, I could never really face them before now for whatever reason. Maybe I thought if I looked too close I would find something really wrong with me. But I do suggest everybody look too closely at themselves because you are going to find a lot of good there. A lot of good that maybe went unrecognized by others, but more importantly unrecognized by yourself.

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I was out walking Totes and I actually took a couple of steps like I was facing up to something, that something being rejection. As I was stepping I had the thought, “rejection does not hurt.” And it doesn’t. What I told myself about rejection when it happens, is what hurt.

A most lovely day out there today, not a cloud in the sky and in the 60’s already, vibrant Spring colors everywhere. There is a lot less grief in that pity pit of mine. Have a wonderful day good people and know that The Great John Michael, loves you very much.

From Wikipedia:

Social rejection occurs when an individual is deliberately excluded from a social relationship or social interaction. The topic includes interpersonal rejection (or peer rejection), romantic rejection and familial estrangement. A person can be rejected by individuals or an entire group of people.

Furthermore, rejection can be either active, by bullying, teasing, or ridiculing, or passive, by ignoring a person, or giving the “silent treatment”. The experience of being rejected is subjective for the recipient, and it can be perceived when it is not actually present. The word ostracism is often used for the process (in Ancient Greece ostracism was voting into temporary exile.

Although humans are social beings, some level of rejection is an inevitable part of life. Nevertheless, rejection can become a problem when it is prolonged or consistent, when the relationship is important, or when the individual is highly sensitive to rejection. Rejection by an entire group of people can have especially negative effects, particularly when it results in social isolation.

The experience of rejection can lead to a number of adverse psychological consequences such as loneliness, low self-esteem, aggression, and depression. It can also lead to feelings of insecurity and a heightened sensitivity to future rejection

 

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