Spring Break: No Rules, No Respect

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Mounted police are confiscating booze from the 100,000 students in Fort Lauderdale for Spring Break. “It kind of sucks,” said one student surrounded by drunk, stoned half-naked twerkers.

One local police officer called the annual celebration “controlled chaos,” noting that it wasn’t even a “particularly busy day” when speaking to media. “Mostly what we see [here right now] is misdemeanor stuff [like drinking and drunk fighting.]”

Mallory from Michigan State University was quizzed on how she felt about the mounted officers who were taking bottles of alcohol from students on what is advertised as a no-alcohol-allowed beach.

“It kind of sucks because the police are watching over and they  have all the dogs coming round smelling everything. We’ve seen a couple of people get busted but it’s not stopping anyone.”

The police and the dogs are the biggest reason so few of you end up dying, but sure, it “sucks.” I hope you’re not a communication major.

Controlled Chaos

For Lauderale’s Las Olas Beach is one of the centerpieces of the modern Spring Break where students spend thousands of their parents’ dollars to get wasted, high, lost and put into very compromising situations. The beach has a “zero tolerance policy” for drug use and alcohol, but despite this the students all seem to be either drunk or stoned. One officer described one of their activities as being hoisting a boombox and “crowding around it.”

“There’s definitely drugs, you can smell it in the air. So what we do is take a K-9 through every so often.”

Unsurprisingly, Major Dana Swisher with the local police said that the catalyst for this behavior is the alcohol, calling it a “big issue” whenever college kids get together.


Last year saw a 72% increase in police callouts compared to 2015. During the month of March, the height of Spring Break, there were 131 calls to 911 along with 47 arrests. And who knows how many of these drunk girls are being sexually assaulted along the way?

[READ MORE: Liberal magazine wants college girls to be unarmed]

Four Million On Break

Approximately 1.5 million college kids are on a Reading Week right now, and next week the remaining 2.5 million students will be on break. Only a fraction of them will be flying to hot vacation spots. All in all, Fort Lauderdale expects to host around 100,000 students over two weeks.

Jen Ella Spader, 22, said that the beaches are “packed” and that the “party’s always down here.” Sounds fun, Jen.

A student named Trent from Ohio State said that the city is the “place to be” and that he’s heard about it “all  year.” His friend, 20-year-old Jack called the beach the “college spot.”

Boy, I can’t wait to read in the next few months about the unprotected sex that will cause an uptick in abortions and STDs.

The “college spot” is part of the $1 billion that gets pumped into the American economy via Spring Break, but it’s still pricey for the host cities. Last Friday, Fort Lauderdale saw eight incidents of partiers hauled off or cited for drugs and alcohol offenses, all the in span of half an hour.

Animal husbandry student demonstrates the safe way of approaching a horse: Directly from behind, right in the animal’s blind spot.

Grad School Cheating By The Numbers

shouldn’t these students be at home studying? After all, it’s not Spring Break, it’s Reading Week. But it turns out that many college students have found time to get drunk on a beach because they choose to cheat. According to the Academy of Management Learning and Education, 56% of students talking a Masters in Business Administration (MBA) have cheated “at least once.” Other disciplines are attracting unethical learners, with 47% of graduate students in other advanced degree programs admitting to having cheated at least once.

[SEE ALSO: College Magazine ‘No Whites Allowed’]

What should really worry you is that a whopping 54% of students in advanced engineering programs have admitted to cheating in the last year. Keep that in mind next time you drive a long bridge in bad weather. The students who are least likely to cheat are in the bird courses.

Leaders of tomorrow shown engaging in a discussion of the merits of Euclidean geometry.

Business Students: Biggest Cheaters, Most Grads

With MBAs clocking in as the degree that attracts the most cheaters, it should bother you to know that business is still the most common major for an undergraduate degree. The National Center for Education Statistics says that about one-fifth of all bachelor’s degrees are in business, and it has been the most common major since 1980.

Military Technologies and Applied Science is the second-least popular degree in the United States.

Students discussing if they should attend the 7am church service or wait until 10am.

Sources: Daily Mail, Pew Research, National Center for Education Statistics

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