Arnold Schwarzenegger to Sue Oil Companies For 1st Degree Murder of the World

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Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger appeared at a hipster musical fest to talk sexual harassment, Russians and suing oil companies for murder.

The Austrian immigrant who rose through the ranks by lifting big and keeping his funny accent through a series of action films has now revealed that he has been speaking with multiple law firms and working on a public-facing campaign to push a lawsuit against Big Oil.

Just Like Smoking!

Arnie is planning on taking several large oil companies to court for “knowingly killing people all over the world.” Even a casual observer can tell you that it’s not the oil companies that are evil, it’s the countries that they operate in like Saudi Arabia. Arnie beliefs that suing these companies for killing people is just as good an idea as suing tobacco companies for killing people who developed lung cancer for their pack-a-day habits:

“The tobacco industry knew for years and years and years and decades, that smoking would kill people, would harm people and create cancer, and were hiding that fact from the people and denied it. Then eventually they were taken to court and had to pay hundreds of millions of dollars because of that.”

Schwarzenegger said that the oil companies have known since 1959 that “global warming” was happening (FALSE) but still sold their product, and therefore killed people, or something.

There are no dates set for filing, but he is using the publicity generated from his announcement in the lead-up to an environmental conference he will be hosting in Vienna, Austria in May.

Among his wishes are to force “every gas station” and “every car” to be fitted with a warning label indicating fossil fuels. Even if people keep dying, it’ll raise awareness or something.

Arnie Talks #MeToo

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When Schwarzenegger ran for Governor in 2003, he was accused by several women of groping and other inappropriate sexual behavior. Arnold tried to paint the allegations as a good thing, and as a fair thing, while talking about the modern #MeToo movement:

“You’ve got to take those things seriously. You’ve got to look at it and say, ‘I made mistakes. And I have to apologize.'”

He then went on to talk about how he required his staff — himself included — to all take “sexual harassment training” once elected. I sure hope he means anti-sexual harassment training.

Arnold VS Donald Trump

Last February, Schwarzenegger found himself on the losing side of a feud with Donald Trump. This was after Arnold had picked fights with Megyn Kelly, Rosie O’Donnell, Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz.

Trump joked at the National Prayer Breakfast that everyone should say a few words for Arnold who had been failing to win the same audience numbers after taking over Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice show. Ratings for the show had gone “right down the tubes” with the departure of Trump, so Arnie recorded a video telling the President to “switch jobs.”

“You take over TV [again] because you’re such an expert in ratings, and I take over your job [in the White House] and then people can finally sleep comfortably again.”

Later, Arnie told Men’s Journal that he would like to “smash” Trump’s face “into the table” for his comments on the ratings of his NBC show.

It didn’t have to be this way, because Trump had been supportive in the past. But, when Arnie chose to support John Kaisch, all was lost.

But it wasn’t long until Arnie was the loser, because he was let go soon after:

Joe Biden At Same Festival: Support Trump!

Last year, former veep Joe Biden appeared as a speaker at the same festival. In March of last year, Biden addressed a press conference at South by Southwest and was asked for his thoughts on the Trump presidency, particularly in relation to his personal charitable work on cancer research:

“It’s my hope that this new administration, once they get organized — and I’m not being facetious — that they will work in this fight against cancer. And I pledge I will do whatever I can do to work with this new administration.”

Well, that’s downright decent of him. Too bad he’s a slippery snake who changes his mind faster than the weather in South Dakota.

Sources: Twitter, Politico, SXSW

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