There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
That is a famous Shakespeare quote from Hamlet, and also so very wise. A few week ago I was caught very off guard when the ROC, after several years, decided not to let us have our Sunday community feed in their facility. I certainly was sad but less angry then when things like this have happened to me in the past. Upon reflection, two thoughts surfaced that may have revealed my subconscious thinking on the matter. One was I could not handle the responsibility. Many kids from broken homes emerge with all sorts of misguided thinking. Like me, many of you may have thought it was your job to keep the family together.
I have spent most of my life running from and caving from the weight of real and imagined responsibility. I will say starting the feed was one of the braver things I have done with my life. And it has opened me up to taking more risks. Also when things fail or end as they did this time, I am not nearly as hard on myself as I usually am.
The other thought was, I did not feel supported, By the ROC, my family, my church or anyone really. Now as I reflect on this, it was not true. I had a ton of support. But as Shakespeare enlightened us, “Thinking make it so.” However, after those three years, I did feel like I could have turned it over to anyone else, even for a week.
The truth is, as several of you have pointed out, God and or myself may have other things that need our focus and attention.
Honestly I have never felt supported by my family especially in things I really wanted to pursue like, writing and the arts. Are they supportive? Doesn’t matter, my thinking made it so. It matters less all the time as I deepen my love for myself and understand just how much god wants and is working for my happiness.
Opening night for Carrie the Musical went well. I was a little tense but did not blow any lines, and it was such a delight to watch my fellow cast mates do their thing. Tonight went very well for me as I have never felt so relaxed on stage and actually sang in key a couple of times.
On stage the thought revenge kept entering my mind. I was having a blast and actually feeling some confidence instead of dread. . Yes good people, let your joy be your revenge on all the naysayers in your life, both real and imagined.
Here is some hobo wisdom to end the story
What you believe is true
so if you must carry beliefs
make it just two
a belief in God
and a belief in you
until the differences between
you are through
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