Tiger Woods: “No Alcohol Involved in Arrest”… as John Daley Chuckles

0 249

Tiger Woods, who was arrested for suspicion of DUI Monday, jumped out of a jail cell and into full PR mode, claiming no alcohol was involved – just a bad reaction to some prescription pills… Hat tip /I Have The Truth

Yeah, about that: The arresting officers say otherwise. By the way, if you want to order an Arnold Palmer – it’s lemonade and iced tea. If you want a Tiger Woods, it’s Jake’s Hard Lemonade, a Long Island Iced tea and two vicodins… rocks please. And half-black lives’ matter. Just trying to jam every bad joke in here I can.

Not only that, Tiger Woods appeared to have been in an accident in his Mercedes before he was busted for DUI in Florida on Monday — and didn’t seem to even know what state he was in at first, according to new details from police records. His tires were flat and his Mercedez was dinged up to say the least.

He must have driven into the rough… get it? oh, shut up. You know what they say, putt for dough, drive for the ditch.

One cop says they smelled booze on his breath during a traffic stop and Woods refused to take a Breathalyzer. That’s an automatic arrest and I have no idea how this guy will be hopping from supermodel to supermodel without a driver’s license now? Poor bastard.

Tiger was pulled over around 3 a.m. in the town of Jupiter, a police spokeswoman said, heading southbound — in the opposite direction of his $83 million waterfront home and his restaurant The Woods. Hat tip NY POST

He was driving a 2015 Mercedes-Benz “erratically, all over the road” when he was stopped, law-enforcement sources told TMZ. Woods grew “arrogant” during the stop and refused to take a Breathalyzer test, which is grounds for an automatic arrest.

There’s a new update at the bottom of this report now. So who can you believe now, cops who work for $30 per year, or a dude that bangs supermodels like they’re going out of style? I believe the cops or Fuzzy Zeller if he’s available for comment.

Apparently, Tiger’s PR reps repeatedly called the Jupiter Police Department to find out if the cop was wearing a body camera. Woods spent 3 1/2 hours in the Palm Beach County Jail before being released at 10:50 a.m., according to online booking records. Bet that Palm Beach lockup is a hell hole. No Perrier? wtf?

Woods issued an apology Monday night but claimed that he was not boozed up. “I want the public to know that alcohol was not involved. What happened was an unexpected reaction to prescribed medications. I didn’t realize the mix of medications had affected me so strongly.”

Yes, and I wasn’t aware his latest ex Lindsay Vonn was in Monaco at the time and thongs are still legal there… apparently… It’s the only fair way to go to Monaco. Get it? fairway? You can damn near see the back nine there.

“Hey Tiger just checking in to let you know I totally suppor.. hey- is that a casino? Pull this tub over let’s play some craps!”

Woods became the world’s first billionaire athlete and enjoyed a squeaky-clean reputation until the 2009 personal debacle sparked his fall from grace.

Woods infamously smashed his Cadillac SUV into a fire hydrant and tree in a neighbor’s yard early on the morning after Thanksgiving, sparking a spectacular scandal as it emerged that wife Nordegren had chased him out of their house with a golf club upon confirming his infidelity.

Local police penalized her two strokes, plus distance in the incident. She would eventually plead to grounding her driver in a hazard.

Never too soon, my friends.

Police in the Monday incident say Woods was asleep at the wheel and had to be woken up. Tiger told police he was “coming from L.A. California from golfing” – but then changed his story, saying he didn’t know where he was. He also asked how far from his house he was.

Arresting officers said “for you? ..  About a three-iron..”

Woods flunked the field sobriety test after he couldn’t stand on one leg or touch his nose. When cops told him to do the alphabet test — and asked if he understood what they meant — he bizarrely mumbled, “Yes, recite entire national anthem backwards.” Which John Daley can do in his sleep, by the way.

When Woods tried to tie his shoes, he nearly fell over. He finally took them off and put them under the front bumper of the police cruiser.

However, TMZ has just now released an update saying: 

5/30 — Contrary to what law enforcement sources told us Monday, according to the police report Tiger did not have alcohol in his system and did not refuse a breathalyzer. He also was found stopped on the side of the road and not weaving. And, according to the police report, Tiger was cooperative.

… sadly, when he was released, he did sign an incorrect scorecard.

To be Continued..

You might also like