Although I’m thrilled to death that Donald J. Trump has selected retired Marine Gen. James “Mad Dog” Mattis to be secretary of defense, we’re not all going to be happy with every pick at the same time, so get ready for it. Let’s hope for the best, cheer the good and hold everyone else’s feet to the fire.
I recommend he appoint Joe “the Plumber” Wurzelbacher to his team..
As a public service I’ll be infusing this article with quotes from Mad Dog Mattis without warning or attribution. See if you recognize all of them. But I digress… Here are my Top Six Reasons Donald Trump should appoint Samuel J. “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher to his Presidential Team.
And please, if you disagree, of have some other suggestions, fire away – because there is nothing better than getting shot at and missed. It’s really great.
#6: Joe the Plumber is a master interrogator.
In 2008, Joe got then-presidential candidate Barack Obama to admit to being a socialist – right there in Joe’s front yard. Obama clearly said, outloud, that he wanted to spread the wealth around long before he actually did it. Having someone on your team who can force the enemy into giving away their master plan ahead of time could be very useful to Mr. Trump.
#5: Joe the Plumber is truly a man of the people and truly a plumber.
Joe knows well the problems the working man or woman faces after 8 years of whatever the hell that last 8 years was. In part, because as a young man, Joe enlisted in the Air Force where among other things, he recieved certified Air Force training as a plumber. Many liberals have lied about this, but he is a plumber and if you have a problem with The Air Force, I’m going to in good faith try and give you a chance to straighten this problem out. But I am going to beg with you do not cross us. Because if you do, the survivors will write about what we do here for 10,000 years. Besides, the first day I ever met Joe, he fixed my toilet. I shit you not.
#4: Joe is a true American conservative.
None of this Mitch McConnell, Eric Cantor, Marco Rubio, John Boehner, Paul Ryan bullshit either. He’s a Conservative and constitutionalist – which is just what Donald Trump can use to succeed right now. And believe me, I don’t lose any sleep at night over the potential for failure. I cannot even spell the word. Even though I did just now. You get the point. Shut-up.
I’m a Christian and a Conservative. I’m worried about the country as I know you are – no matter who I’m talking to right now. As with any new incoming President I’m waiting and seeing what Donald Trump does and will take each of these potential appointees one at a time.
#3: Joe the Plumber is bald.
The Donald is well-known for his hair. In fact, I heard at one time he actually considered going out into a wooded area and releasing it into the wild for charity. Joe, on the other hand has no hair and could easily take that extra time in the morning when people futz with their hair and could spend it traveling around the country, speaking to Americans about Trump’s policies on taxes, the military, saying Merry Christmas without people having a conniption fit or wearing a diaper pin, etc..
By the way, do these cry-baby whiners even realize they picked a diaper pin as their symbol? Think about that, Mr. President-elect. Joe could change a few hearts and minds there pretty easy. Nice N’ Easy as a matter of fact. That’s a hair joke. Thank-you.
#2: Joe is relatable.
Sure, it would be cool to have as much cash as the average Trump appointee, but a wise man once said; “You can either have money or friends, pick one…” Actually the guy who said that was a sociopath, but never-the-less, Joe has a lot of friends, a nice wife and two kids. That’s a plus for any cabinet, including Donald Trump’s upcoming group.
Can you imagine sitting around the cabinet table for a meeting and the CEO of Exxon goes, “what the hell is a ‘Cracker Barrel’ and what the hell were you doing inside of it eating pancakes?” Joe could not only probably recite the menu, but he could teach them all a little about average Americans and a good, healthy breakfast.
#1: Joe can really dust it up with people.
If you’ve ever had an argument, discussion or debate with Joe the Plumber – my guess is you lost. I’ll never forget when he was running for Congress and debating this old liberal hack who had been in office since the dark ages and the subject of American energy policy comes up.
She prattles off some canned lib talking points and Joe just looks at her, pauses and then says to the audience; “When it comes to energy policy, my opponent doesn’t have a fracking clue..” That was some funny Shiite, Jack.
And in conclusion, I can only say to remember to be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet.
Thanks, good-night and while you’re thinking about it, call Trump if you have his cell and talk to him about having Joe the Plumber on his team. I’m just sayin’..
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