Friends, I must tell you how the ego can raise it’s mighty head, wants to raise it’s mighty head. I have a little cash from doing yardwork so I wandered down to A and B to buy some cigarettes, a cup of coffee and something sweet, which today was a cinamon roll.
Entitlement was around me and through me, just like that snake in the grass Satan, thinking he was better than the rest of God’s creation. I felt superior to everything and everyone, smirking at the world.
I am not sure where entitlement comes from, maybe being best loved by mother as a kid, or more than likely, my family came into some money when I was in junior high. Yeah! We are not poor anymore, therefore we are better. That was a double-edged sword you see. Some of my friends, started mocking me for being rich. “That’s your house? Ha!Ha!Ha You guys are rich aren’t you?” They were hiding their envy, of course, wishing they had the same thing.
Although my grammar says differently, I am well-educated. Something I have always been vague about and hid as this too seems to make people feel bad about themselves.
But I think the entitlement rose, this time, because I was trying to hide my hobo roots. A and B knows I go through their dumpster and ash bins and not doing so today caused my natural feelings of superiority to arise, so as to hide my hobo shame. It’s funny because I also have hobo pride. “You think you’re better than me? F### you.”
Sometimes I feel like I left my campassion on the streets. I was chasing what everybody else was chasing for a while; status, success, money, romance. Nothing wrong with those things, just not sure what I am about yet.
Lord knows our society lives in defiance of nature and it still pisses me off some, how much we waste at one small grocery store in one day. Being a hobo feels more natural to me at times, out foraging for food and company, enjoying the walk and the treasures you find. Still, the other day I thought, I wish I had a house in the country. Passions and desires are something most religions teach against, yet there they are trying to have their way, sometimes I say, let them.
Hobo John here. You need a friend? You have one in me. I love you with everything that I have; that is my heart song and the truth of things.