Why I Love Being a Democrat
There’s nothing quite like being a Democrat. It’s awesome, you get to wake up every morning with a giant set of clear and well-defined enemies:
It’s anyone who disagrees with you on any single thing.
That’s right, we can agree on nine out of ten issues, but if you disagree with me on anything – and I mean ANYTHING… I HATE YOU!
The United States military is an imperialist bunch of murderers, who kill to support oil companies, racist borders and evil Corporations.
Do you believe people working at the VA who knowingly allowed our Veterans to die should be prosecuted? I HATE YOU!
Guns load themselves, jump up and shoot millions of people everyday. They are mostly white, Republican guns, by the way – with no help at all from most of the time, insane Democrats. Guns should be against the law and confiscated because our racist and worthless Constitution says so. PS: I HATE YOU
Violent movies, TV, video games and pornography have no ill-effect on the culture.
Sure, government should be funding art which inspires people to do good things, but it doesn’t work the other way around because any idiot knows I HATE YOU!
Socialism is superior to Capitalism. Why, you ask? Because I HATE YOU!
If you make a profit I HATE YOU unless you agree to have 90% of it be redistributed to my cronies, and some lazy bastards too stupid enough to know eventually we’ll run out of money – yet vote for our Party because of said stupidity.
Are you a Christian with Faith in God and a belief system based on forgiveness, charity and the teachings of Jesus Christ? Keep it to yourself or I HATE YOU.
And while you’re at it, bake me a wedding cake with two adult males, three children, one transgender and a horse or I’ll put you out of business because I HATE YOU!
A Democrat President does not under any circumstance have to adhere to the Separation of Powers as outlined in our racist, living and breathing Constitution, according to Section: I HATE; Article YOU!
Babies are not babies even if the parasitic tissue is halfway out of the womb. It’s perfectly fine to pay someone with money from anywhere – even the government – to take a pair of scissors and start jabbin’ and cuttin’ until the worthless tissue can no longer survive under any circumstances..
… Even if that part of a woman’s body looks incredibly like some other person’s body; doesn’t matter. It has no ability to feel pain or deserve any rights at all. If this blob of tissue happens to survive the ‘procedure’ – it’s okay to take further action to kill it..
.. I mean, um… – hey look – cows! Aka: if you think a fetus is a human – I HATE YOU!
It Takes a Village, the Government and The Clinton Foundation:
Anything else, I HATE YOU.
But….. I LOVE being a Democrat!
… duh. I’m Joe the Frickin’ Plumber already – geez.
But I’ll still get emails from folks thinking I was serious. I swear.
next: I’ll nail Republicans… don’t worry.