The first time I got thrown in jail I was living in my car in the Florida Keys. I started crying when I found myself alone in a cell, feeling deadly ashamed and deeply sorry for myself. The charge was loitering I believe and I was sure my life was over.
At any rate, I was eventually released into the general population and a couple of guys insinuated they had heard me crying. Well after that I swore I would never cry again.
That was quite a number of years ago and I have been through a lot emotionally and physically since then, although I must say I am finding some true peace in my life.
However, it is still hard for me to shed a true tear even all these years later…
I have been out hoboing around my home town lately and God is quietly showing me, and I am one who tends to need constant affirmation to trust things, that he loves me.
When I was a kid my mom tried to do what every normal parent does and that is limit my sugar intake. At any rate looking back I kind of felt like I could have used some more of the stuff.
I got excited a couple of days ago when I ended up finding 50 or so cans of assorted pop in a dumpster, and it was still cold. As I was climbing into the dumpster, which involves me turning backwards and boosting my rather large ass on top of the edge, then spinning around, I had a good thought; “You want some pop?” It kind of felt like God was saying, here you go son, drink your fill. Well I didn’t quite cry but I did feel a whole bunch of gratitude welling up inside of me.
I didn’t find any pizza in the Little Caesar dumpster today like I was hoping to. I had just given some blood and was feeling hungry. I almost walked out of that blood draw place, they want quite a bit of what I consider private information, but I stuck it out.
Anyway I went around in front of the store and was just sort of sitting there enjoying a cigarette snipe I had found. This guy I know, who I seem to run into a lot lately, saw me sitting there and decided to buy me a pizza and gave me enough money for a pack of smokes. I am a little to manly to hug guys I don’t know all that well, but I was humble and grateful.
I ate half the pizza a gave the rest to some friends of mine who work at Starbucks. One of the guys there decides to buy my coffee. Nothing makes a hobo type more happy than a fresh pack of smokes and a cup of hot coffee. Well as I was adding my cream, I did feel a little moisture around my eyes, no full on tears just yet, but some moisture.
Jesus tells us that if we keep God’s word, and I am doing the best I can in that department, he will give us whatever we ask for, “So that your joy may be complete.” That is from somewhere near the end of John.
Maybe like some of you, I have a tough time thinking I deserve anything good at all. All the really good stuff that has ever come my way in life I have broken, lost, given away or had stolen. Plus there is the good stuff people have offered me that I have refused to take. A number of $100 dollar bills people tried to give me during my seven years on the streets went somewhere else and unappreciated by me.
My point is if a no good hobo like myself deserves God’s love and a can of soda pop, you sure as heck do to. So let God’s love into your heart, would you? Your are the only one keeping it out.
Here is an old Hobo Metaphysic or two to reiterate the point: You don’t have to be perfect to accept God’s love, you just have to be and No one is stopping you from loving yourself or from allowing God to love you. Peace to you folks and may we all learn to accept God’s abundant love.