Pope Francis’s Yom Kippur Football Encyclical Part II

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The cries of peace and love could be heard all across the world. “Death to America. Death to Israel. Death to the Zionist Pope. Allah Akbar!”

Thus concluded the Iranian mullahs religious Encyclical, which was soon repeated ad nauseum in all 22 Arab Muslim states and the fictional lands of Palestine and Honali.

Meanwhile, a man who actually does care about peace was spreading his message in the United State. Pope Francis was in Philadelphia after stops in New York City and Washington, DC. While the Pope is the top religious authority figure in Catholicism, he has begun speaking about other subjects that have nothing to do with religion.

ope Francis keeps the balance of a ball during a meeting with the members of the Italian Sports Center in St. Peter's Square at the Vatican Saturday, June 7, 2014. (AP Photo/Gregorio Borgia)
Pope Francis keeps the balance of a ball during a meeting with the members of the Italian Sports Center in St. Peter’s Square at the Vatican Saturday, June 7, 2014. (AP Photo/Gregorio Borgia)

On Thursday he offered Part I of his Yom Kippur Encyclical.

Then came Part II.

Whether one agrees or disagrees with him, his words deserve consideration. Society benefitted in so many ways from his visit.

Black Lives Matter and Occupy Wall Street protesters were not going to dare try anything with Pope Francis in town. Even New York Mayor Bill DeBlasio was getting streets clean. He wiped all the filth away except for anything that directly related to his office. 

DeBlasio was so desperate for calm in New York during the Pope’s visit that he was even caught on camera letting NYPD officers do their jobs. It is ironic that maximum restraint shifted into shoot to kill mode all in the name of protecting a man of peace.

With all respect to Pope Francis, street closures are not an honor. New York City streets are closed every single day. It’s called gridlock & hopelessness.


On Thursday Pope Francis quickly fled Washington, DC for New York. The Pope fired his Papal assistant who told him that the Thursday Night Football game between the Redskins and the Giants was in Washington and not the Meadowlands.

Pope Francis finished Evening Mass by 8:00 p.m. He knows Thursday Night Football kicks off around 8:30pm. Football remains America’s other religion

Pope Francis called for peace between the Giants and Redskins, but he is biased. He is surrounded by Cardinals. In the great tradition of Santa Claus, Pope Francis has already been booed by Eagles fans. Despite his pleas for peace, the Giants and Redskins engaged in violence once the game kicked off.

Football Encyclical: When you block a punt, you have a moral obligation to deck the punter. Father (Tom) Coughlin was pleased.

Football Encyclical: Avoid traffic around the Pope. Do not throw into traffic near a Prince. Amukamura intercepted a pass to set up another score! Father Coughlin almost smiled.

Pope Francis must love basketball. On the very day he called for the return of World Peace, the Lakers announced Metta’s return.

Pope Francis must also love hockey, since he also held mass at Madison Square Garden. I know he’s a man of peace, but he would be wise not to show up in an Islanders or Devils jersey. A Pope would never dress up as a devil, even on Halloween. Yet MSG is hallowed ground. It’s for Rangers!

Conservatives should love Pope Francis. His DC arrival shut down the government and the GOP did not get blamed.

Imagine if Pope Francis grew a beard. At least one drunken Chasid on Simchas Torah would see him and exclaim that the Lubavitch Rebbe has returned. Nobody parties like a sharp dressed Orthodox Rabbi.

“Aise-pray Ord-Lay Od-Gay.”

Perhaps doing Pope Francis’s Evening Mass in Pig Latin was a bad idea.

It is driving President Barack Obama crazy that Pope Francis is getting all this attention. Obama is going bonkers being out of the news cycle.

As predicted, Obama had to hold a press conference. He cannot stop himself. Pope Francis was getting too much attention, so Obama must talk about something! He just does not get it. You cannot force people to care what you have to say. You have to DO things that matter.

Obama was steamed to be kept waiting for Pope Francis to stop talking so he could start. Now Obama knows how the rest of us feel when he drones on. Well, if he had an ounce of self-awareness he would.

While Pope Francis is calling for peace, Obama was angry over his delayed remarks where he got to attack people he dislikes for the billionth time.

Obama and the Chinese President reached agreement to come together and act in China’s best interests. The Chinese President tried to stay awake while Obama spoke.

Obama said, “We will not accept North Korea as a nuclear weapons state.” They already ARE. They have been for nearly a couple decades. They have been through Obama’s entire presidency. He HAS accepted it. Why? Because he has no choice.

Obama says he discussed climate change, human rights and intellectual property piracy with China. So what? It is not like they will listen. This man actually believes that people listen when he talks, that they respect anything he has to say. He encourages China to behave a certain way. So what? I encourage Obama to behave a certain way but at least I know my words have no effect on Obama. He thinks his words matter.

Outside of John Kerry, it is tough to think of a more useless person to represent the American people. I will not accept Obama as an intellect. The Chinese President and almost every other world leader agrees with me.

The Chinese President had to remind himself that when he is done speaking, he cannot shoot American reporters who ask questions. Not that Obama would stop him, but still.

The American media is as narcissistic as Obama. A female reporter asked ten questions disguised as two questions. This lets Obama ramble, run out the clock, and answer fewer questions.

In non-Pope news, Americans are stunned that Anthony Weiner is the most ethical adult in his household.

House Speaker John Boehner is resigning. Never criticize Boehner for crying. Unlike Vulcan Android Obama, Boehner has human emotions. He cares.

Boehner says he has a great relationship with Maxine Waters. This is when she was not calling him a racist bigot. The new Speaker must have a great relationship with conservatives.

This was Part II of Pope Francis’s Yom Kippur Football Encyclical.

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