Miley Cyrus: Her speaking privileges should be revoked.

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“Insanity is knowing that what you’re doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can’t stop it.” –Elizabeth Wurtzel


Some folks wear me out.

And Miss Miley “I pose with pigs and have sex with foam fingers” Cyrus just placed herself on the very tip top of my “Annoying Persons List”.

Sure, this gal, at one time, a seemingly long, long time ago, showed a small amount of talent. She was cute as Disney’s Hannah Montana. But then, as it so often happens, celebrity got the best of her. She cut her lovely hair, dumped Liam “Work of Freakin’ Art” Hemsworth, and officially nosed dived off her rocker.

And like so many before her, she has proven to be an attention loving, amoral idiot. She grinds and twerks and fingers and tongues inanimate objects and fellow performers. It is embarrassing to watch and unless you are completely sexually deprived and/or have terrible taste in women, none of it is appealing or attractive. She has fallen from a moderately talented tweeny-bop princess to a washed up, round faced twenty two year old joke.

But because she is narcissist and our culture finds the insanely out of touch opinions of minimally educated and averagely talented celebrities interesting and relevant, she is still being interviewed.

Some of her recent statements prove beyond a reasonable doubt that she is, in fact, completely insane. Well, her words just reinforce what her pictures and performances have so clearly displayed. In fact, I made the mistake of pulling this article up with my children, most specifically, my sweet eight year old son in the room. And let me just say, he cannot ever unsee the boobs, butt, and complete nudity he saw before I could close out the screen.

Needless to say, I was devastated. But the Lord provides. And even he, my innocent son, said, “Mom, that was gross.” Yes, sweet boy. Yes, it most certainly was.

But if we ignore her physical exploitation and focus entirely on her words, we reach the same conclusion. She is disgusting. For example, in this month’s infinitely moronic publication of Paper Magazine, Miss Miley goes on the record about her sexuality and gender, or in her case, the lack thereof:

She says she has come to consider her own sexuality — even her own gender identification — fluid. “I am literally open to every single thing that is consenting and doesn’t involve an animal and everyone is of age. Everything that’s legal, I’m down with. Yo, I’m down with any adult — anyone over the age of 18 who is down to love me,” she says. “I don’t relate to being boy or girl, and I don’t have to have my partner relate to boy or girl.”

Dear. Lord.

Listen, I love people, too. But this, her confession that she is “down with any adult” is straight up sexual sin. Fornication, adultery, and homosexuality are all clearly addressed in scripture. Now, obviously, Miss Miley doesn’t subscribe to my personal faith, or any faith for that matter. She is a child of the universe, a master of her own destiny. Blah, blah, blah, blah…I hate to tell her this, but that ideology isn’t going to work out well for her in the end.

And then there’s this hysterical portion on her becoming a vegan last year after her beloved pet, a dog, was killed by a coyote:

“She hasn’t spoken much about the switch, but she says that she’s finally ready to be held accountable — to be an example.”

Oh yeah, Miss Miley, you are going to be held accountable one day, sweetheart. Trust me, that day is most certainly coming. And as far as you being “an example”…PLEASE!!! You are an example of what every loving, devoted parent fears their precious children might become. I pity you and your lost soul, but trust me, I pity your father and mother much more.

During her interview with the trashy magazine, Miss Miley discussed her parents. Some of her statements having to do with her family and her Christian upbringing were extremely hostile. For instance, when she so eloquently says that, “people who believe Noah’s Ark was a real vessel, “That’s f–king insane,” she told the magazine. “We’ve outgrown that fairy tale, like we’ve outgrown f–king Santa and the tooth fairy.”  (I think I have figured out Miss Miley’s favorite word.) Again, minimally educated people have limited vocabularies. This truth is highlighted again when she referred to her mother and father as “conservative-ass mother–kers.” Charming, Miss Miley. Really, really charming.

But even the author of this completely perverse and terribly degrading article points out that Miss Miley isn’t famous for her talents. She is, even according to this adoring writer/fan, famous for partying.

“But what she has managed to do better than nearly anyone — save, perhaps, Andrew W.K. — is legitimize partying as an ideological choice. In Cyrus’ hands, “La da dee da dee / We like to par-tee” becomes a resonant generational credo. That she has been persecuted for these things — or at least openly mocked — makes her commitment to love-yourself-no-matter-what activism even more poignant.”

Wow. Yeah, wow. Don’t feel badly…I also had to read it three times before I fully grasped the ignorance and back-handedness of the writer’s assessment of the supposed starlet.

Listen, if Miss Miley wants to twerk and gyrate with foam fingers and random men and women, that’s totally her prerogative. Sadly, she is free to make those choices and share them with the mass public.

But the cold, hard truth is this: one day, Miss Miley will eventually run out of envelopes to push and people to sleep with. Her drug usage and hard living will catch up with her. Unfortunately, we know how this story ends. We have seen it all too often. She will, if the good Lord allows her to live long enough, end up like the breast-bearing, butt shaking, openly promiscuous Queen of Shame Madonna–old, alone and a generational joke.

So, yeah, if Miss Miley wants to call me “f–king insane” because I believe that Noah built the Ark, so be it. I will just consider the foam-fingered, twerking source of that jibe.


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