Former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley has officially thrown his hat into the ring for President on the Democrat ticket.
Here are the critical questions and answers:
On Saturday a tree fell in the forest. It was named Martin O’Malley. Has his campaign ended yet?
Martin O’Malley spent the weekend googling himself to find out who he is. The search came up empty.
Martin O’Malley announced his campaign to win an MSNBC hosting job.
Average Non-Descript White Guy Monthly Magazine is expected to interview Martin O’Malley to be President of bland marketing.
Martin O’Malley’s campaign manager is Dilbert. Dilbert has years of experience watching incompetent managers fail upwards.
Martin O’Malley leaves behind a legacy of success in Maryland that includes the Baltimore riots. While he as Governor of Maryland failed to create jobs or reduce violent crime, he did give speeches about climate change. His inability to succeed at anything that matters could make him a serious Democrat presidential nominee.
O’Malley is a one-percenter, which matches his expected vote total.
Being a white male Democrat presidential nominee is a religious experience. O’Malley is Hillary Clinton’s sacrificial lamb.
O’Malley? O’Really? Oh no, not really.
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