I would regret dying and knowing I did not use God’s gifts

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I am going to ramble around a bit so as to make a point or two. It is Sunday after all and God and Christ are what I found at the end of my journey on the streets. They were both there the entire time of course watching over me as I examined my childhood wounds and learned my lessons about how to use God’s gifts, love myself and others.

Our society makes no time for reflection, we all work too hard and too long and give ourselves little time to chew over mistakes so we often repeat the same ones in vein, hoping for a better out come.

The economy makes it difficult as well, most folks work more and more while receiving less and less. A lot of that has to do with the greed of the rich and clever, and makes my heart hurt. Lots of folks have no time to think about and work through wounds, they are too busy trying to provide for families. I hold them in my heart with every tenderness.

Those seven years without a job, without family or friends was lonely at times to be sure. But it also allowed me to sit with my grief and my fears and to mull them over without anyone interfering with my thinking process and telling me what I should be doing. I count them as a true blessing.

As I said while on the streets I re-familiarized myself with the Bible and Christ’s teachings. I became particularly fond of the Book of James so many nuggets of wisdom and things to ponder.


“For what is your life? It is but a mist that arises for a while and is gone.” James 4:14. The implications of this are extraordinary. The things in this life we hold dear including our own breathe and body, merely temporary and as short term as a mist. The idea is to hunt for something more substantial than even your own life; that could only mean your eternal self. the one beyond time.

It is also refreshing. The things I worry so much about, things as simple as saying something stupid or out of line, where my next meal is coming from, will I make my deadline at work? Well from the point of view of my eternal self these things are a vapor indeed. He is saying we should not work to impress others or even ourselves, but to impress our creator.

Christ said the kingdom of heaven is within and James confirms this calling God’s word implanted. James also says that with patience, and holding to Christ’s teaching we can become, “whole and complete lacking nothing.”

James also tells us “pure religion” has nothing to do with churches or doctrine but is, “to visit the orphan and the widow in their affliction, and to remain untouched by the world.” To me he is saying take care of those who are traumatized and in today’s world you do not have to look to far to find those folks.

“To remain untouched by the world,” that is another phrase that really made me search for some understanding. Well, what runs the world? In my mind it is fear and the things that arise from fear: greed, jealousy, anger, violence, wrath etc. Along with fearful things, lust, or desire is perhaps a kinder word, it also runs the world.

Generally our desire if for stuff we do not have and the stuff other people have. To be untouched by the world means to dwell in God’s joy and peace no matter what happens, no matter what you have or do not have.

After I was molested I lost trust in others to take care of me, I also lost trust in myself. Over time God has restored my faith in myself and I am busy chasing the eternal.

I am genuinely a happy person and still desire many things in this world, a jeep for one thing would be very nice indeed. Lust, jealousy, greed, anger, hate arise in me every day, but when they do I do my best to turn them over to God or I invite God in to heal them.

When it comes to family and friends, well knowing these people are temporary makes them become very precious indeed, far more precious than anything than I could own or have. To hold onto jealousy and hate is something I would regret. In other words it inspires me to be kinder and forgiving of everything.

It also makes me strive to become as good as I possibly can at the things I do. I would regret dying and knowing I did not use God’s gifts to their full potential to better this temporary world. Peace to you folks. I love you with everything that I have; that is my motto, my mantra and the truth of things.


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