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Barbara Boxer retires from four decades of whatever it is she does

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After four decades of living on the public dole, Barbara Boxer has decided to retire from whatever it is she does. After an exhaustive taxpayer-funded investigation, it seems she was in the United States Senate.

She was a champion of liberal men and their right to physically and sexually abuse women, especially conservative women. Her commitment to Judaism was steeped in the ritual of fighting with other liberal Jews for the right to drink out of the Obama family dog’s water dish.

Other Democrats are eager to replace her since her job is seen as the highest paying no-show job outside of Chicago.

To prepare a successor, President Obama appointed Boxer to a commission to learn what responsibilities Boxer ignores first and what can be ignored later.

After appointing the commission, Obama & Boxer went back to not doing whatever it is they do not do. Biden offered advice based on his expertise of not doing anything.  Obama replied, “It’s cool. I got this. If there is one thing I know how to not do, it’s not do things. Now I need to go give a speech while everything is quiet in the world and then get some rest.”

Howard Dean called the GOP old and white. Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein, Nancy Pelosi and Governor Jerry Brown may comment after taking their daily recess nap. Gavin Newsome is expected to manage California’s decline until 3:00 p.m.

Barbara Boxer retired 30 years ago but forgot to tell anyone. She liked the free paychecks. After her announcement, she went back to her office for some more rest.

Democrats drafted a Barbara Boxer replacement advertisement Responsibilities and abilities included doing nothing for 40 years, shrieking and watching California collapse. It was vital to care more about trees than people.

Confused Democrats placed a Monster.com ad for Boxer’s replacement. They need to hire a new monster to replace the old current one.

Monster.com executives said that despite their company name, they promote hardworking professional humans and not fire-breathing dragon-ladies.

Barbara Boxer announced that she was not running for reelection just before my birthday. Wishes do come true.

Boxer was told that even after she leaves the Senate, as a private citizen she can still yell and complain about everything. She will still be ignored.

Republicans offered to add an extra three percent to Boxer’s retirement pension if she took Feinstein with her.

 

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About Author

Baron Von Kowenhoven

Baron was just a shy kid with a dream, growing up in the 40's with a knack for story-telling. After a brief career in film, Von Kowenhoven went to Europe in search of fringe-scientific discoveries and returned in the 90's to unleash them on the entertainment and political landscape of America.

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