Obama promised to fundamentally transform America. And he’s fulfilling that promise absolutely.
The following are recent entries in his “Dear Diary of Accomplishments.”
Dear Diary: I’m pretty happy about my unemployment numbers. They prove I saved America from the Bush recession. I gotta’ remind my pencil pushers to keep tweaking unemployment reports so they look even better. And mention the ongoing success of my $900 Billion dollar stimulus program. Or was it $1 Trillion dollars? Can’t remember exactly.
Big problem for my legacy if sleepwalkers figure out that I shrunk the U.S. manufacturing sector and expanded the number of unemployed or underemployed to 92 million people. I gotta’ tell Nancy (Pelosi) to make sure everybody practices their talkin’ points about the value of working only 30-hour hours a week. Yessiree, hard-workin’ Americans deserve more free time to “find their inner joy, like takin’ up finger paintin’ or makin’ pots or smokin’ it.”
JOBS AND UNEMPLOYMENT:
I ordered my team at the Center for American Progress to draft additional taxation and regulation programs to encourage corporations to move off shore Then, I can deflect responsibility and decry the “unpatriotic” CEOs who desert their country to avoid paying their fair share of taxes. I won’t credit them for furthering my “redistribution of wealth agenda” to help other countries and make America an equal partner in making the world a better place for everyone.
Dear Diary: Gruber was right. Americans are too stupid to figure out the truth about Obamacare (although I gotta’ admit, I love the name). Good thing they didn’t catch on to my scam before the law was passed. (Forest Gump was right. “Stupid is as stupid does.”) When millions of poor and unemployed citizens, along with millions of illegals, flood into the healthcare system, everybody pays more. It’s the American way.
It’s getting’ hard to find time, in between my golf and my vacations, to hit the campaign trail and promote my health care exchanges that funnel citizens into Medicaid. But, on a positive note, long wait times in Medicaid clinics give sick people lotsa time to text friends and play games on their Obamaphones.
I gotta’ make sure everybody understands the efficiency of computerized medical records and six-minute office visits with foreign-trained doctors or nurse practitioners. And what about those generic drugs from China? Practically free for everybody . . . except those high upkeep old folks. Oh well, no problem there. Bootin’ them out of the system redistributes millions of dollars and creates a whole bunch of shovel-ready jobs!
Click here to read this entire column at TheBlaze and learn more about how Obama has fulfilled his promise to fundamentally transform entitlements, illegal immigration, racial tension, education, NSA, IRS, Veteran’s Healthcare, the Department of Justice, and more.
How’s that for truthful?!