Night Sweats and a Poem

0 33

I was lying out in a doorway last night. God loves me, Jesus loves me, I love myself, is an often used prayer I was reciting. Again, it’s Night Sweats and a Poem

Well my heart is starting to catch up with these prayers. So many good things have been happening to me. Anyway, I was like holy sh**t, God does love me and getting that on a deep level is profoundly comforting.

Then I was like, holy sh**t I really do love myself. Well if I love myself there is no room to be ashamed of myself, so my happiness just keeps growing.

Later on some loud street kids woke me out of a deep dream. I ended up giving them some smokes and asked them to keep it down, which they surprised me by doing. Although, I am big enough and calm enough to project, so fucking with me is useless.

These type of guys like to keep the adrenaline and action going so as to chase away the blues.

I was a little nervous when they bedded down in a doorway not far from my own, but I eventually drifted back to sleep.

On the weekends you can stay in the doorways a little longer because no business is going on. Portland has hired  some not quite policemen to ride around and deal with homeless folks.

One of their jobs is to make sure all the hobo’s are out of doorways well before business hours; usually we are up and rolling before six.

The next morning I traded t-shirts with one of the guys, then, because it was the week-end I drifted off again, only to awaken to see them leaning over a buddy of mine in another doorway. I said, hey guys don’t steal from him, he is my friend.

They said they didn’t and were just thinking of a prank, but later one of the kids, returned my friends wallet to me, which really touched me, because theft is a way of life out here for the younger set.

These guys attitude is: if you leave your stuff vulnerable at night, it is your own fucking fault if it gets stolen.  They lacked, I assume, a nurturing father who could also set limits. To fill they gap, they make up their  own rules of behavior, like many young men in gangs do.

I wrote this when I was still using my size and Idaho toughness to intimidate other men who scared me or who were aggressive. I still do occasionally, but if you can lean of Christ he will take you out of fear and into peace.

One of my metaphysics is: no matter where aggression goes, it only finds itself. When you are peaceful when aggression arises in others that peace will help find a better solution than any returned aggression.

That, I believe is what Christ meant when he said, Turn the other cheek and resist no evil. Peace to you folks, I love you with everything I have.

Trapped in the illusion of success

I had all that I wanted and needed

but, I was lonely because I didn’t have myself.

Trapped in the illusion of poverty

I had nothing I wanted and only some of what I needed

but, I was lonely because I didn’t have myself.

When I found myself I wasn’t rich or poor,

but I was happy because I had myself.


hobo2Hobo Metaphysic of the Day: You don’t have to be perfect to accept God’s love, you just have to be.

John wants you to know: “I’m not for the government doing more to help these folks.

Their help tends to come with a lot of humiliation, stipulations, and rules, but I am for us finding our hearts again as a people and taking care of our own.”


You might also like