Topless Shoplifter Takes Off in Mercedes

0 96

Topless Shoplifter Takes Off in Mercedes-Benz? If I were going to shoplift with no top on in an upscale mall, I would use a Mercedes-Benz as my get-away car, too. A convertible, I suppose..

It happened in California. She’ll probably sue Macy’s, the Mall, the guard, the education system, her shoe manufacturer, . . .

I’d skedaddle in style like any self-respecting thief. by T.M. Burroughs

I would not, however, leave my bra and shirt in the hands of the security guard. Because, with my luck, I would hit all red lights in my mad dash home. People in the other lanes would stare; some would gawk. Children would point.

How embarrassing!

And, I would be damn sure I didn’t leave my i.d. behind either. Clearly, this woman was a novice. Although, I have to hand it to her, she got away.

When they do catch her, they’ll probably have to require the participants in the line-up to bare all from the waist up. What? How else will they get a positive i.d.  You know as well as I do that Bart, the mall cop, zeroed in on her boobies.

h/t: NBC

A suspected shoplifter fled topless after being busted at a Southern California mall. But police were easily able to identify her – she left her driver’s license behind.


The 44-year-old woman, whose name was not released, was caught at Arcadia’s Santa Anita Mall on Sunday night. Police say she had just walked out of Macy’s after stuffing merchandise inside her purse.


Police say the woman was hitting a security guard who tried to stop her and lost her top and bra during the struggle. She then took off running to her car, leaving behind her purse with her ID inside.


Get away car of choice, 2014
Get away car of choice, 2014

The thief drove off in a white Mercedes-Benz, police said, but a witness was able to record a license plate.
Police said they were holding off from releasing surveillance video as they conducted their investigation.

The woman remains at large.


Now run, topless shoplifter lady.




My guess is police are holding off from releasing surveillance video because they want to view it a few more times . . . just to be certain Ashton Kutcher wasn’t punking in the background . . .



by T.M. Burroughs

more humor by this author at

You might also like