Michelle Obama hashtag plea: Bring Back Barack’s Balls

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After radical Islamic group Boko Haram kidnapped some Nigerian schoolchildren, the Obama administration swung into swift and tough inaction. In July of 2013 they ignored the problem, but now need a distraction from Benghazi and IRS abuses. Michelle Obama immediately took to Twitter, which is what presidential selfie-taking adolescents do. She held up a sign reading #bringbackourgirls. Shockingly, the Boko Haram killers were unimpressed.

Going on Twitter is a form of talking, which the Obama administration confuses with actually doing something. The reason President Obama will not do anything is because like Steve Martin and Martin Short in “The Three Amigos,” words are not an effective weapon against bad guys with real bullets.

This should lead to Michelle Obama to hold up a new Twitter sign under the hashtag #BringBackBaracksBalls.” Tree-hugger environmentalists can use smaller signs simply saying #B4.”

It was one thing for every red-blooded American male to want this, but even Obama’s wife has finally had enough. From bowling a 37 to his mom jeans, even politically liberal men and women are growing weary of America’s first eunuch president.

As with anything Michelle Obama does, she will face critics with this new sign. After all, why should we bring back Barack’s balls? Did he ever have a pair? If so, she is most likely the one who took them. Why doesn’t she just return them herself. Unlike the Nigerian girls, Barack’s balls are actually part of her family, and therefore her problem.

President Obama, metrosexual that he is, will insist through Jay Carney that the sign has nothing to do with America’s most effeminate leader. President Obama lost some golf balls on the course while hard at work looking for the killers known as Boca Raton.

Executives at CBS are debating whether to make the #B4 cause part of their next “Amazing Race” series. The cast would search everywhere from Vladimir Putin’s Russian palaces to the home of every world leader not associated with France.

United Nations headquarters will be off limits since it is illegal for anybody there to have them.

Once they are found, the search will then begin for John Kerry’s pair and the set belonging to every liberal not named Hillary Clinton. Rumors of Sandra Fluke selling extra pairs on eBay have not been confirmed by magazine sources at Secret Hidden Emasculated Men’s Almanac of Letters and  Estrogen, SHE-MALE.

President Obama had no further comment pending approval of his remarks by his wife, his mother-in-law and Valerie Jarrett.



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