An outrageous discovery was so outrageous that it provoked outrage among the perpetually outraged.
Virtually every constituency in the liberal coalition was rocked by the news.
According to liberal reports put out by liberal reporters who put out liberal reports, Lesbian emus only get to graze on 77% as much grass as heterosexual male emus.
Liberals outraged at the news knew they were supposed to be outraged but were not entirely sure why.
This emu news was either sexist or heterosexist, and could be an anti-gay environmental issue.
Questions abound as to who is supposed to apologize for what and what action is supposed to pretend to be taken.
Is eating grass bad for the grass? Who speaks up for murdered grass blades?
Libertarians wanted to know who would be willing to support legalization for emus to smoke the grass.
Should animal rights activists care if the grass is not organic? Do emus even eat gras? Can grass be organic?
Are the results different in Alaska in Winter from Hawaii in Summer? Is that because of climate change? Would this be an example if geographical bigotry and location inequality?
Should tax dollars be used to help lesbian emus get artificially inseminated?
How are people supposed to be politically correct liberals conforming to every lunatic fringe cause if nobody knows the answers?
Common Core textbooks have been no help on the critical issue of grazing inequality among lesbian emus.
Now that this Fox News Koch Brothers conspiracy has been exposed, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid can begin hearings. Unlike Benghazi and IRS abuses, this emu thing is serious.
Code Pink and the United Nations blamed the disparity on Israeli aggression in illegally occupied Palestine, Texas.
Sandra Fluke offered comments which were ignored because she is Sandra Fluke.
Angry liberals accused conservatives questioning the studies of being racist, sexist, bigoted homophobic emu-haters. Liberals insisted that the numbers were every bit as legitimate and accurate as numbers for Obamacare. For once, conservatives were in complete agreement with liberals. Liberals demanded to know if the emus were biodegradable. Conservatives responded that the animals were every bit as biodegradable as Rachel Maddow and Harry Reid.
Most of the lesbian emus interviewed were non-plussed at all the fuss. They were happy grazing, and unenvious of other straight male emus who grazed more than they did.
The lesbian emus were then flown to New York to begin auditions to be hosts on “The View.”