Election 2016 South Beach, Miami GOP Caucus

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With the Republican Party in a strong position to win the 2014 elections and build momentum into 2016, trouble lurks on the horizon. All it takes is one scandal to derail a party. Sex scandals are usually what doom the party that preaches traditional values. To prevent the GOP from blowing their golden opportunity, drastic action is necessary.


This is the age of surveillance, and the GOP needs to be monitored. To make sure the presidential candidates are staying out of trouble, it is necessary to sweep all of the nation’s hot spots.


Several months ago my surveillance of Bourbon Street in New Orleans, Louisiana was productive. It can be said with certainty that Rick Santorum was not at the Bourbon Cowboy watching young women in miniskirts ride the mechanical bull.


With Spring Break in full bloom, thousands of people have descended on Florida hearty havens from Daytona Beach to Fort Lauderdale. Miami Beach is the most tempting, so that is where this week’s surveillance is taking place.


A quick check of South Beach showed that Ted Cruz was not at Ocean’s 10 nightclub. Rick Perry was not dancing inappropriately with coeds at the Clevelander. Despite being the candidate of the stoners, Rand Paul was not lighting up marijuana joints on Collins Avenue. Despite living in Florida, Marco Rubio was not in Fat Tuesday on Wednesday at 2:00 A.M.


Chris Christie was not hanging out at the Versace house, and Bobby Jindal was not drinking on top of the roof of one of the 10th Street hotels.


It is quite possible that the candidates knew the surveillance was occurring, so it will be necessary to monitor them again in the days to come. The last thing the GOP can handle is Paul Ryan walking down Ocean Avenue with two women on each arm. The paparazzi are everywhere looking for Republicans to make a mistake.


Once this phase of the campaign ends, it will be necessary to cover every strip club in Las Vegas just to be on the safe side.


Keeping the GOP safe from scandal is a dirty job, but somebody has got to do it.

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