Once upon a time there lived a woman called Hillary, who wanted to be the Queen of her country because it was, after all, her turn.
Cultivated hem kissers,
Trained media lapdogs,
Commanded the Bimbo Patrol,
Compiled the Clinton Enemies List,
Snooped on foreign allies,
Birthed and buried Hillary-care,
Endured “Monica Mania.”
At the end of Bill’s term, Hillary (who wasn’t getting any younger) was about to be cast out of the limelight.
In order to stay in the public eye while the Bush dynasty played itself out, Hillary packed her suitcase and sang:
Carpet bagging sets up opportuni-ty
for me to run for the Presiden-cy,
and ensure my place in histo-ry.
Hillary relocated to New York and became a junior Senator. She kept herself busy, busy, busy with her usual activities (see above). Finally, when the 2008 election cycle approached, she declared, “Now it’s my turn (and I’m not getting any younger.)” She sang:
My election is lookin’ good you see.
First woman to win the Presiden-cy,
Hip! Hip! Hippy! Hooray for me!
But, alas and alack. From behind the Bushes emerged the “chosen one,” overloaded with charisma, teleprompters, and a wife who’d just become proud of her country for the first time. He wrangled the presidency away from Hillary who lamented:
What now will my future be?
In eight years I’ll be too for the Presiden-cy.
Am I destined for political obscure-ty?
Poor, poor pitiful me.
But then, in an amazing twist of fate, Hillary was appointed to become Secretary of State. “Hip! Hip! Hippy! Hooray!” she exclaimed. “I’ll travel the globe for photo ops with world leaders, deliver ineffective speeches, rack up a million frequent flier miles, and hope no one notices that I’m not getting any younger.”
As she flitted from country to country, Hillary decided to write her memoirs to chronicle her multiple accomplishments before she forgot what they were. “Uh-oh!” Big problem. She actually hadn’t achieved much of anything. Would anyone care about her life as a political parasite, grasping onto her husband’s coattails? Did it make a difference that, as Princess Pantsuit, she had become a fashion icon for pear-shaped, older women?
Uh-oh! It quickly became apparent Hillary had zip, zero, nada accomplishments. She had failed at everything she touched. However, following the example of her boss, “don’t-blame-me-Barack,” Hillary decided to reframe her lack of success.
- The Truth: Under Hillary’s watch, $1 BILLION taxpayer dollars in aid and bribes were given to North Korea. Hillary hap, hap, happily announced the little crazy dictator with spikey hair had suspending his nuclear program. Really truly? Then, KABOOM! North Korea tested their first nuke. Woozer! Who could have seen that coming?
- Reframed Accomplishment: North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Un, hasn’t nuked South Korea, Japan, Hawaii, or Starbucks in Seattle . . . yet.
- The Truth: Hillary and her doofus negotiators shifted their failure-prone efforts to Iran. They threatened terrible, horrible, awful boycotts if Iran insisted on joining the nuclear club. The talks dragged on and on and accomplished nothing (other than giving Iran time to further develop their nuclear program.)
- Reframed Accomplishment: Iran hasn’t quite become nuclear and therefore, has not obliterated Israel . . . yet.
- The Truth: Hillary’s “lead from behind” bombing strategy to halt civilian persecution cost America $600 MILLION taxpayer dollars, ended Kadhafi’s dictatorship, and fractured Libya into dozens of warring tribal states
- Reframed Accomplishment: Under Hillary’s watch, civilian persecution halted for thousands of Libyan citizens (who were killed during the bombing). The country now is being unified by . . . al Qaeda, although the terrorists haven’t totally taken over . . . yet.
- The Truth: Hillary ignored protection requests for the Benghazi Embassy before and during the 911 commemorative attack that killed four brave Americans. That night, 400 surface-to-air missiles disappeared, POOF, from an ammo supply facility.
Reframed Accomplishment: Hillary double-pinky promised the Benghazi perpetrators would be revealed and punished.
- Then she tripped and fell on her head which caused temporary amnesia. “What attack? Ben who?” (Rest assured she will regain full memory and explain her involvement on the exact summer day when Hel . . . sinki freezes over.)
- What about the missiles? Although Hillary forgot to dispatch CIA bloodhounds to locate 400 stolen missiles, they haven’t been used against American military and/or civilian airplanes . . . yet.
- The Truth: Hillary’s “reset” of relationships with Russia elevated President Putin to become Mighty Mouse, the #1 power player in Europe, the Mid-East, and Northern Africa. The promise (made by Bush) to construct a missile defense system in Poland, evaporated in the mists of her declining memory.
- Reframed Accomplishment: Preoccupied with gobbling up the Ukraine and searching for his missing shirt, President Putin hasn’t attacked Poland . . . yet.
AND SO, How will Hillary reframe her monumental failures in Russia, Egypt, Syria, and Afghanistan?Can she turn these into political assets? And then what? Read the rest of Hillary’s story at TheBlaze.
P.S. Want a little more snark in your day? Additional fables are posted on Molli’s blog, www.grannyguerrillas.com. You’ll enjoy the picture-filled story about Prince Hope-n-change and his ascension to the throne. A former publisher, Time-Life editor, motivational speaker, and six-times published author, Molli also is a book doctor and helps writers become published authors at www.getpublishednow.biz She tweets @grannyguerrilla