Dear Mrs. President,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Glad you had a Happy Birthday,
That lasted real long too.
Daddy told me that Mr. President gave you an early birthday present. One extra week of vacation in Hawaii all by your lonesome. Wow! And a special plane to fly you and your cars and your helpers and your cooks and your food tasters and your security guys with guns back to the White House.
Mommy helped me add up all the costs of your special plane ($140,000) and paying for your helpers ($60,000) who stayed to take care of you. It came out to be $200,000 for a week of camping out at Oprah’s house.
If I had $200.000 to spend on whatever I wanted, I would buy a Big Mac and fries and vanilla milkshake and a piece of chocolate cake every single day for 50 years. (Mommy said I wouldn’t live that long because I’d get really fat and probably die of corrugated artery disease.)
Mommy told me you gave yourself a birthday party for 500 of your very best friends, and fed them chips and dips. I guess there wasn’t enough money for food since you spent $200.000 on your early birthday present. I got worried that your friends might have been all upset over not having real food, and decided not to bring you any presents. So, I painted you a rock. You can use it for a paperweight AND toss it around to make your arm muscles even bigger. But, don’t throw it inside the White House ‘cause you might hit Mr. President or a lamp.
Daddy and I thought of a really easy way for you to save enough money to make something special, like pork BBQ, for your 51st birthday party. When you take your next vacation in a couple of weeks, fly on Delta to get lots of frequent flier miles. Then use them whenever you go back to Hawaii or re-visit Africa or Spain or have another lunch with Mr. Bono in Ireland.
Daddy and I decided to make a list of other ways you could save at least $140,000 by not using a special plane to fly you and your cars and your helpers and your cooks and your food tasters and your security guys with guns back and forth from Hawaii.
Did you know there are about a gadzillion empty FEMA trailers just sitting around in Lousiana? How about this! Clean them up real nice and then use some to make trailer parks outside veteran’s hospitals. This way, soldiers (like my grandpa and Aunt Barbara) will have cozy places to stay while they wait for hours or days or weeks or months to see their doctors.
When I told Daddy he snort laughed through his nose and said the teachers’ unions would love this ‘cause they could warehouse more kids and get paid more money for not teaching them anything. (I think he was kidding . . . but maybe not.)
Sammy has lots more clever ideas of how to use FEMA trailers to help Americans instead of flying the Queen home from Hawaii. Click here to finish reading this fable at TheBlaze.
* * *
Meet the Prince of Hope-n-change, a chapter excerpted from Molli’s book of Politically Incorrect fables. She also writes for TheBlaze and helps writers become published authors as a book doctor/editor at www.getpublishednow.biz