Three Little Pigs Outfox the Healthcare Navigator

0 129

Big bad wolf & pigs 1Once upon a time three pigs, Manny, Moe, and Jack, lived in the forest in houses constructed of ecologically friendly (but somewhat flimsy) materials.

One fine day, a very large wolf, (wearing an official badge and carrying an ipad and Obamaphone), rap, rap, rapped on the door of Manny’s straw house.

Manny opened the door.

The wolf read from a speech displayed on his ipad. “Good day Sir. I’m Rupert McWolf, your Healthcare Navigator, and I have a gift for you from the most powerful person in America.”

Manny said, “Valerie Jarrett has a present for me?”

Rupert McWolf look confused. “Um . . .  no sir. Not her, but President . . . . . . um . . . Biden. No, I mean Obama . . .  President Obama. He’d like you to have free healthcare. It’s as easy as one-two-three. First, I’ll need to gather a little information like your bank account and social security numbers. Then I’ll register you as a democrat voter and be on my way.

Manny said, “You’re kidding, right? You’re a total stranger, and yet you want me to give you personal information that would give you access to my bank account and could lead to identify theft?”

Rupert McWolf puffed out his chest. “Mr. Pig, I’m a trained Healthcare Navigator with 20 hours of intensive training. I’m gonna’ protect your information. Lock it in my ipad to keep it safe and sound. Now, your social security number is?”

Manny stepped back inside his straw house. “Not interested. I got healthcare I like it. Got a vet I like. I’m too busy trimming the hairs on my chinny, chin, chin to stand here and chat with you. Have a nice day.”

He shut the door.


Rupert McWolf refused to take no for an answer. He knock, knock, KNOCKED on the door.

“Excuse me Mr. Pig, but I haven’t told you about the benefits of free medical care, like well-qualified doctors, nurse practitioners, and candy stripe volunteers,  and the free gifts you’ll receive when you register as a democrat voter. But first, I need your social security number. May I please come inside?”

Manny shouted from inside the house. “You want my personal information? Ask NSA. Go away.”

“Please sir, if you don’t open your door and let me come in, I’m authorized to huff and puff and blow your door down.”


Rupert McWolf sucked air, then huffed and puffed for 10 seconds. The exertion caused him to feel light headed. He leaned heavily against the door. Being large and overweight, he collapsed the entire straw house.

Manny dug his way out from under the straw and ran through the woods to Moe’s house made of twigs.

Rupert McWolf huffed and puffed and ran after him.

He shouted, “Wait up Mr. Pig. Forget about the personal information. At least register to be a democrat voter. Please? I got a quota to meet.”

Manny ran inside Moe’s house and shut the door.

Rupert McWolf tap, tap, tapped on the door. “Mr. Pig, I have a valuable packet of documentation that will change your life and . . . ”wolf at the door

Moe shouted through the door.” Wow! You got Obama’s college transcripts and birth certificate?”

Rupert McWolf looked puzzled. “Um . . . no sir.  I meant documentation about the president’s healthcare bill and coupons for a free t-shirt and transportation to and from the polls on election day.”

“My brother and I don’t want any part of it, or you. Go away.”

Rupert McWolf insisted, “Sirs, if you don’t open your door and let me come in, I’m instructed to huff and puff and blow your door down. Whatever it takes to sign you up and register you as democrat voters.”

Moe laughed. “Not by the hair of my chinny, chin, chin. But you go right ahead Rupert McWolf. Huff and puff to your heart’s content. Knock yourself out.” (An unfortunate choice of words.)

Rupert McWolf sucked in air, huffed and puffed for 10 seconds, became light headed, lost his balance, grabbed at a support twig as he fainted, and collapsed the twig house.

Manny and Moe dug crawled out from under the twigs and raced through the woods to Jack’s brick house.

Rupert McWolf regained consciousness, sat up and shouted, “Hey, Mr. Pig One and Mr. Pig Two, please, just register as democrat voters and I’ll leave you alone.”

He struggled to his feet.

“How about I give you an Obamaphone and discount coupons for sausage . . . um . . . I mean, vegetarian pizza. I gotta hit the registration numbers to get my Obama bucks.”

Manny and Moe ran inside the brick house where Jack was stirring a large pot of bubbling turnip and truffle soup sitting in the fireplace.

(And yes, you know where this story is heading.)

Huffing and puffing, Rupert McWolf staggered up to Jacks’ front door.

Knock, knock, KNOCK!

“Open the door and let me come in . . . oh what the bleep . . . I give up. No more Mr. Nice Guy.”

He threw himself at the door headfirst . . . and bounced off it.

Dazed, and not thinking clearly, Rupert McWolf sprawled on the ground and noticed that the house had a large chimney. He clawed his way up and onto the roof. Still a bit woozy after having bounced off the door, he leaned a bit too far into the chimney as he shouted, “C’mon, all you gotta’ do is register as democrats. Puleeze? I’ll throw in the 103 inch flat screen TV I picked up when it fell off a truck on the New Jersey turnpike.”


Rupert McWolf fell into the chimney.


That evening, Manny, Moe, and Jack hosted a spontaneous turnip, truffle, and wolf dinner for their neighbors. Later, they took turns using the Obamaphone to make prank calls to the President, Valerie Jarrett, Joe Biden and the 51 democrat senators who had voted for Obamacare.

And they all lived happily ever after, especially the president who received a useful gift from a secret admirer. The wolf-skin smoking jacket fit perfectly and kept him toasty warm during late night policy conferences with Valerie.

Molli’s fables also appear in the Commentary Section of TheBlaze.

Additional fables are posted at her Granny Guerrilla blog. Molli for Joe

Take a SNEAK PEEK inside Molli’s new book of politically incorrect fables. Order today and save 25% off the $7.95 cover price of “Uncle SCAM Wants Your Money and Your Country.” Use discount code TG4NRPFB when you order through The Amazon  e-store.

A former publisher, Time-Life editor, keynote and motivational speaker, workshop leader, and six-times published author, Molli helps writers become published authors at

You might also like