Obama to delay Hanukkah and Thanksgiving until Easter

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king obamaHanukkah and Thanksgiving are the same time for the first time since 1888 and will not be again for another 78,000 years. Trying to sort this out is like trying to navigate an Obamacare website.


Due to problems with the approved candle exchange rollout, Obama wants to delay Hanukkah until Passover. Thanksgiving will take place sometime around Easter. Barack Obama’s religion is Barack Obama, so holidays honoring him will continue as scheduled.


Also, he recommends the 2014 and 2016 elections both be delayed a year to give him a chance to fix his cratering poll numbers.


Hanukkah can also be spelled Chanukah. A liberal Jewish spelling error lists it as Barack Obama. After all, every day is his own Festival of Lights honoring his glorious self. He will spend the holidays singing songs to himself praising himself about himself.


In honor of the combined Hanukkah/Thanksgiving holiday, President Obama just pardoned Iran. Israel is now free to be consumed. Liberal Jews reconciled this upon being told Iran was bloody red meat and Israel was Tofu.


In honor of Thanksgiving, President Obama just pardoned himself and his entire administration.


Enjoy Hanukkah an Thanksgiving while you can. Thanks to Obama and liberals everywhere, next year we bow down to Mecca during Iftar.


Hanukkah celebrates a military victory. My 2013 Hanukkah wish is that Israel shoves some rocket launcher candles up Iranian Mullahs’ anuses.


Don’t worry, liberal Jews. Daddy Obama is honest and trustworthy and would never let third world genocidal lunatics in Iran kill you. Oh, and Europe will protect you as well. Happy holidays.


Christmas is scheduled for December 25th. End of Days is scheduled for December 21st. The savings for Christmas shoppers on December 22nd should be a blast and out of this world. For conservatives, End of Days was January 20, 2009.



Happy Chaka Khan everybody!


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