Black Friday is a racist holiday!

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black-friday250Boycott Black Friday and all other racist holidays!

Yesterday was Thanksgiving Thursday and today is a racist holiday known as Black Friday.

Between Black Friday and Occupy Wall Street, one question must be asked.

Does anybody sleep indoors anymore?

Whether people are occupying Wall Street or shopping malls, as long as you are not blocking me I don’t care. At least the shoppers killing each other are spending their own money. I personally think they should go to OWS protests and steal their money and their blankets as well. Share the wealth and all.

I try to stay home this time of year and just watch five straight days of football. After all, leaving the house just does not seem to work this weekend. A look back proves this.

2007: On Thanksgiving I mentioned what I was…and was not…thankful for.

Black Friday was a truly black day indeed as my Internet was down. For a new blogger that is a nightmare.

2008: I was in a serious relationship and against my will it was time to meet her parents. I traveled 3,000 miles. They were liberals, as was the girl. It went so badly that soon after that we broke up.

I kept Friday lighthearted, although it sucked for two straight years. I vowed not to leave my home again this weekend.

2009: I spent Thanksgiving in solitary confinement and did the same for Black Friday. I finally figured out what Black Friday actually was.

2010: To keep the spirit of Thanksgiving I made sure to have Turkey. That Swanson Dinner was delicious. I decided to become a civil rights hero and the next day worked to have the name of Black Friday changed to African-American Friday.

2011: I let the world know what I am really thankful for.

Then I got down to business and enjoyed my 10 hours of football.I forgot to get my Swanson, so I settled for Chinese food.

Black Friday is spent avoiding all of you, especially if you are either mall shoppers or protesters. I can do my shopping online and if law enforcement does their job the protesters will be removed. Street Cleaning Saturday has a nice ring to it.

2012: I mailed it in. None of you cared.

2013: This year all the rage is the “knockout game” and “flash mobs.” This is code for young people stealing stuff and committing acts of violence for the sake of doing so. These domestic terrorists can make shopping at the mall even more miserable than usual. The cure to end these phenomenons is what I call the “Bernard Goetz Game.” People who commit wanton violence and steal stuff should be shot. Iran gets most things wrong, but hacking off the hands of criminals is a good start. Singapore has caning, and coincidentally a low crime rate.

So let’s celebrate our Second Amendment rights and spend our disposal income on an NRA membership. Unlike many products on sale, this one actually works.

Happy Black Friday!



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