I need feminism because… (satire and truth)

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Reader Caleb brought to my attention a project sponsored by ARU Feminist Society and Cambridge University Students’ Union Women’s Campaign, to wit:

Complete the sentence “I need feminism because…”

Here is just a sampling of some of the replies.

You can see a few more samples here. There are also additional replies here and here.

So it got me thinking: as an avowed anti-feminist, how would I reply to this question? Some thoughts off the top of my head:

“I need feminism because… I like it when my daughters dress like sluts to ‘express their femininity.'”

“I need feminism because… I cherish the thought of a veritable mountain of aborted corpses, rotting into the earth.”

“I need feminism because… I like spitting on homemakers as second-class citizens.”

“I need feminism because… I hate the thought of happy close-knit stable families headed by a good and loving man.”

“I need feminism because… I can’t wait to trash another man’s life by accusing him of something he didn’t do, just because I hate oppressive men and want to see them suffer.”

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