Here’s the Thing, Vlad..

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Vladimir Putin says Americans in fact aren’t exceptional? Really? Well here’s the thing, Vlad: The last time I checked we were 4-0 against you, including a Cold War where we freed up around 100 million of your imprisoned countrymen and women.

I very rarely wear a shirt, but when I do – I make it a wife-beater

And let me tell you , oh shirtless wonder – a lot of those Eastern European women you had your jackboots on are over here now, getting a taste of the free world – and they don’t have much good to say about Russian men, either. Apparently, you’re a bunch of macho, abusive, loud, impolite, misogynist, smelly, jerk-offs who aren’t that great in the sack, Vlad. You might want to learn how to hold a woman’s coat – if you know what I’m saying – before you get on Charlie Rose and start claiming that I’m not exceptional, because according to Victoria down in Culver City – I am.

But I digress..


Yes, we have a bunch of douche bags and douche bagettes (like that?) running the joint now, but it won’t be long. Did you see the “Million Muslim March” the other day in D.C which was planned and promoted for months where six Muslims and Cornell West showed up to? Yeah, the same one where a couple impromptu Facebook postings got a hundred thousand red-blooded American bikers to show up on the same day? That’s us, pal. Don’t make the mistake of bringing your scrawny ass Russian whatever to a Harley fight, okay?

Here’s the deal, Vlad:

How do you say “green card” in English?

In America, you have to compete. In Russia, you don’t – you just have to move up the Communist food chain. In other words, in America the best is brought out and in Russia, the worst is brought out. You get to the top by knifing people in the back – in your case, through the KGB and a lot of your personal shenanigans are well documented. Now we’re not proud of our current leader and how he got there and our system is obviously flawed – but the good news is our system also self-corrects and we’ll soon have another Reagan at the helm… Ooh, did I hit a nerve there? That’s right, Ronald Reagan. The man who busted up your empire – your once Super Power. You’re not going to have Barack Obama as your BFF forever Vlad because we have a little something over here we call “elections” with “candidates.”

It’s awesome. In fact, it’s exceptional.

PS: Everyone hates you. Go wrestle a shark.


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Rodney Lee Conover lives in California with his whippet “Jack”


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