8 152

Written by Rodney Lee Conover this morning –  2013

You know it would be easy to sit around and make fun of Bradley Manning so I’m gonna.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful... hate me because I'm a frickin' traitor
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful… hate me because I’m a frickin’ traitor to America.

At long last our national nightmare is over and the traitor Bradley Manning has been sentenced to 35 years in Leavenworth. Private Manning has also announced he wants to be a woman and be called “Chelsea.” Although once he gets to a prison cell in Leavenworth, I’m not sure he’ll have as much a choice in the matter as he thinks. The bad news is the military will probably not be paying for his hormone therapy and gender reassignment surgery, but the good news is that there are probably a couple prisoners there more than willing to treat him like a lady.

Bradley Manning’s lawyer claims that the private was confused about his gender and that contributed to him committing high crimes. Apparently he was confused as to which side he was on as well. I don’t know about this whole ‘gender reassignment’ thing – if you stick a branch in your eye, does that make you a tree? If Bradley Manning ever gets out of Leavenworth I wonder if he’ll write a book or movie?

I can hear it now: “The name is Bond – JANE Bond.”… Okay, enough. What – the guy’s a traitor to his country – I’m not supposed to make jokes about him?

But when it comes to confused people it’s up for grabs now: In California, Governor Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown signed a law that says kids can go into the bathroom or locker room they identify with most. So far I understand most of the guys on the high school football teams have identified the girl’s locker room as their favorite, so I guess the girls will just have to hold it until they get home. So what’s the deal now, do we just let children decide what sex they are and then mutilate their bodies accordingly? When I was real young my brother thought he was an astronaut, but my dad didn’t give him a glass of Tang and toss him off the top of the garage.

By the way, I’ve decided I’m a Tyrannosaurus trapped inside the body of a Wooly Mammoth that, in turn, is trapped inside the body of a man. Does ObamaCare cover mohair and giant teeth? When I figure out what I need to cut off, can I get Medicaid for that?

Try getting this image out of your head

AND FINALLY: Our fifteen minutes of fame friend Sydney Leathers, the latest sexting pal of Anthony Weiner has finished making a porno with Vivid Entertainment. The adult film is called; “Weiner and Me,” and it stars Ms. Leathers (could that name be any better?) and a male porno dude dressed as a politician who looks a lot like Weiner, only longer. What kind of country do we live in when I can’t make jokes that are funnier than the actual story? These degenerates are going to put me out of business. I can’t wait for Hillary to get back in the White House and I can make a decent buck again. I’ll be spending it on IRS audits, but still – the 90’s were good to me..

– 30 –


rodney on tap
Sugar? No thanks, I’m sweet enough…

follow Rodney Lee onTwitter @rodneyconover

Send email to [email protected]

Friend him if you dare

Who's a poopie-head??
Who’s a poopie-head??

Rodney Lee Conover is a writer / performer, living in Southern California’s Mohave Desert with his whippet “Jack”


You might also like
  1. vet says

    The whole world is insane.

  2. LTCJWKS says

    I think that young Bradley ought to be provided hormone therapy – couple of years of testosterone – problem done.

  3. drikk says

    More like “Hillary”.

  4. phunyfarm says

    Great read – thanks!! I love the branch in the eye tree thing….

  5. monacall says

    peoples lives are in danger everyday with this administration……they are the true traitors….along with a-hole…..

  6. Paladin says

    Gender has no bearing on loyalty to one’s country or oath of service. HE put people’s lives in danger.

    He should have been sentenced too death. Not 35 years.

    1. Donald Congleton says

      OH I Don’t know about that. I think 35 years of being a PRISON BIT_H will do him a lot of good.

  7. GK says

    This is where you lose me. Adios.

Leave A Reply

Your email address will not be published.