DEAD, DIVORCED, MARRIED, PREGNANT OR IN JAIL
Written by Rodney Lee Conover just now – 2013
27-year-old Lindsay Lohan, fresh out of rehab, says she wants to relocate to New York City and start life anew. Mayor Bloomberg has put out a citywide call for hundreds of additional emergency bartenders.
Rep. Steve Stockman of Texas has invited the recently fired Missouri rodeo clown to come to Texas’ 36th District and perform his now infamous Obama mask rodeo clown act at a local rodeo in the Congressman’s district. The Missouri State Fair imposed a lifetime ban on the clown, who donned an Obama mask and mocked the president or something to that effect. In the meantime, a president was spotted this week on Martha’s Vineyard wearing a clown’s mask.
Yes, four Americans killed in Benghazi with the CIA running guns and the President and Secretary of State lying about it – but we’re focusing on rodeo clowns.
Rumor has it that Season 4 of the wildly popular AMC television show; “The Walking Dead” will feature a zombie baby. Fans of the show may be treated to “something different and cool” say the producers and won’t confirm the zombie baby storyline, but won’t deny it either. The little girl is rumored to be horrifically scary and repulsive, but neither the show’s creators nor the parents of Honey Boo Boo are talking.
So it’s official: Major League Baseball has suspended 13 players for using steroids and other “PED’s” which means ‘performance-enhancing drugs.’ The biggest name and highest paid player, Alex Rodriguez of the Yankees got suspended for 211 games, but is playing while appealing the suspension. Really bad news for Cub fans though, not a single Cub player was suspended.
According to Justice Department documents obtained by CBS, more weapons from the “Fast & Furious” gun running operation have turned up at crime scenes in Mexico. Just as a reminder, when the Justice Department refused to turn over Fast and Furious documents, it led to a bipartisan vote in the House of Representatives in June of 2012 to hold Attorney General Eric Holder in contempt of Congress. Then, the Obama administration used executive privilege for the first time, to withhold requested documents from Congress, allowing Holder to get away, scot-free. We’re still talking about clowns, right?
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Rodney Lee Conover is a writer / performer, living in Southern California’s Mohave Desert with his whippet “Jack”