DEAD, DIVORCED, MARRIED, PREGNANT OR IN JAIL
by Rodney Lee Conover
Billionaire and founder of Amazon.com Jeff Bezos has purchased The Washington Post for $250 million, an amount many say is way more than the paper is worth. But I’m not sure if they know he got free shipping.
Attending his first political fundraiser since the presidential election of 2012, Mitt Romney told Republican’s in an event in New Hampshire to make the ‘smart’ decision and pick a candidate who can win in 2016. I guess that’s information we could have used last year? Romney dismissed the strategy being pushed by Rubio, Ted Cruz and Mike Lee who are holding out for one last chance to defund ObamaCare, saying; “What would come next when soldiers aren’t paid, when seniors fear for their Medicare and Social Security, and when the FBI is off duty?” Sounds like he got the memo.
Argentina has begun distributing free Viagra, government health authorities announced Thursday. 200,000 doses of Sildenafil – better known under the brand name Viagra, is to be handed out free of charge to the public with one reason being that counterfeit versions of the drug are widespread and this may stop that abuse. Criminals in Argentina should be on notice that unlawful distribution of Viagra carries a stiff penalty – HI-YOOOO! What day is it? Humpdaaaaaaaayyyyy!
Renters at an apartment complex in Colorado were served notice that if they owned a gun, they were no longer welcome there and would have to move. The management company sent out a letter stating that all renters were now prohibited from keeping firearms in their apartments and any gun owners would be ordered to either get rid of their weapons or move out. Residents have until Oct. 1 to comply and needless to say, some are pretty pissed off. The criminals in the area are sure to save gas money from not having to drive from house to house, but the residents at this particular place are not amused. If you’ll remember, the State of Colorado recently legalized the use of marijuana and apparently everyone is high, because this stupid gun ban at this stupid apartment complex was turned over quicker than a Kardashian in back of an SUV.
The NFL says it will be cracking down on excessive celebrations and taunting by player next season, including “sack dances; home run swing; incredible hulk; spiking the ball; spinning the ball; throwing or shoving the ball; pointing; pointing the ball; verbal taunting; military salute; standing over an opponent (prolonged and with provocation); or dancing.” Assault, domestic violence or shooting somebody off the field will still be left up to the individual, however.
Senator Chuck Schumer says he thinks the House immigration reform plan is perfectly acceptable since the many piecemeal bills will be combined in conference and come out one big happy bill anyway. Schumer said; “We would much prefer a big comprehensive bill but any way that the House can get there is okay by us.” Schumer said. He also claimed House Republicans now appear more open than ever to granting amnesty to illegal aliens, and are going to use the strategy of passing a large group of bills addressing specific immigration issues to get to a conference with the Senate bill. Here’s a clue, John Boehner, Eric Cantor and any other Republican: Whenever Chuck Schumer is smiling – VOTE NO‼
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Rodney Lee Conover is a writer / performer, living in Southern California’s Mohave Desert with his whippet “Jack”