DEAD, DIVORCED, MARRIED, PREGNANT OR ANTHONY WEINER
Written by Rodney Lee Conover – July 26th, 2013
All Weiner, all the time.
Anthony Weiner now admits he was involved in three or four more online trysts since he resigned from Congress in disgrace after being caught tweeting photos of his junk to young girls, then lying about it. He also said these most recent dalliances also involve sexting, so there might be more pics of his… um, rhymes with “pics” on the way. Thanks for the warning, Weiner. For these latest episodes the New York City Mayoral Candidate used a Yahoo email account calling himself; “Carlos Danger..” … If you ask me, that is completely insane. I mean, who uses Yahoo email anymore?
Even though demands to quit the race are coming from all quarters, Weiner has promised his supporters that he won’t pull out. But honestly, what man hasn’t made that promise and not kept it? Don’t worry, there’s only about a dozen more of these jokes. Today, that is. And speaking of stoning a woman to death for marrying an infidel – why is Al-Jazeera giving Anthony Weiner campaign money? Well, his wife Huma Abedin is a devout Muslim with extensive ties to the Muslim Brotherhood and I’m guessing they might want a friend in the Mayor’s office and in the bedroom next to the Mayor’s. Al-Jazeera is essentially the Muslim Brotherhood television network. For a very long time the Muslim Brotherhood’s spiritual leader, Yusuf al-Qaradawi, has had his own show on the network, which broadcasts out of Qatar. The Muslim Brotherhood proclaims in public that it hates Jews. All except Weiner, for the time-being, I guess. THEN, Muslim Brotherhood-style term-limits kick-in.
Did you see the nauseated look on his wife’s face at the press conference? I get the feeling she’s not that interested in his private parts and this appearing in public is definitely not what she signed up for. She wanted to live in the mansion, have lots of power, connections, influence, and go to all the dinner parties. Now she actually has to make this creepy appearance while her mom, dad and all her friends and relatives in the Muslim Brotherhood are watching her on television – standing right next to a Jew!
And before you go nuts – these aren’t my wretched, hate-filled, anti-Semitic beliefs and decrees. I’m just saying Huma better have invoked that whole; “Muslims are allowed to lie to unbelievers and violate Sharia law in order to defeat them” thing because the last time I checked, the good folks over at the Muslim Brotherhood want the Jews wiped off the face of the earth. “But Rodney Lee, you mean the Muslim Brotherhood President Obama sides with in the Middle East and arms with American weapons and fighter jets?” Yeah, those ones. Okay, so I got a little off the; “All Weiner, all the time” deal, sorry. Weiner, weiner, weiner. OK.
Of course the New York Times, NBC, The Washington Post, Vanity Fair, CNN, People Magazine, MSNBC, the Chicago Tribune, The View, USA Today, Good Morning America, The San Francisco Chronicle, ABC, the LA Times, CBS and the rest of them have no doubt informed you in great detail on all this so why am I wasting my time here? I notice everyone falling all over themselves wondering why Huma is putting up with all of Weiner’s shenanigans. Duh. Because Huma is in on the whole thing, you dopes – don’t be fooled. Would you like to guess who presided over the marriage ceremony of Huma and Weiner? None other than the King of commitment, Bill Clinton – did you know that? Wait, wait, wait – I forgot – of course you did. I forgot about all the above publications and news outlets that reported that as well… forget it – never mind. I’m frickin’ Emily Litella …
Here’s the Weiner upshot as of right now: The latest NBC 4 New York/Wall Street Journal/Marist Poll shows that 55% of Democrats view Weiner unfavorably, and that is a whole lot of people who have viewed Weiner if you ask me. And this guy has the unmitigated gall to stand up there and say it’s only going to be a few more revelations and photos that are going to surface? Weiner should come clean! Blam! One more taste of the bitch juice for Tony Weiner & his Magic Tweeter. What’s really going to be funny is the look on our faces if he wins.
I have to admit I’m torn. The future of more than a stable-full of joke writers now rests on the unstable head of one disgraced Congressman Anthony Carlos Danger Weiner. Not since the great Bill Clinton zipped up for the last time and left Washington D.C. back at the dawn of the new millennium did we jesters boogie-board on a tsunami of low-hanging material so ripe, so stress-free, so hackneyed – yet so high profile that this crap demanded to be updated and regurgitated from male genitalia humor dating back to Homer’s Odyssey or even when the first cave-dwellers drew a stick man on the wall in their own blood and felt compelled to add an over-sized WEINER because it made them chortle not unlike their descendants Beevis & Butthead surely would some centuries later. Anywhoozer, is it possible for Weiner to rise again and finish hard? Is your political drama worthy of an Oscar, Mayor Weiner? … wow, that one even made me a little queasy. BUT:
When the same poll (the NBC/Wall Street Journal, etc, – not Weiner’s) asked whether Weiner should get another chance or if he was not fit to be mayor, about half said they believe this sociopathic liar, who cannot stop himself from taking photos of his tally whacker and emailing them to young females, who is fine with inflicting multiple humiliations upon his wife and inevitably his child in public; this unfaithful, perverted, untrustworthy, selfish, cowardly, egotistical, self-centered, arrogant, unrepentant, skinny-ass excuse for a man should still be considered to lead the largest, most legendary city in the nation.
Ladies and gentlemen: I give you, the Democrat Party.
By the way, the Royal baby – His Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge – is third in line for the throne, unless the other two ever decide to appear on the show; “Game of Thrones.” Then the new Prince might move up pretty quickly. Glad they named him after George Zimmerman, that was a nice gesture – especially after George flew there to deliver the baby after saving that trapped family in the SUV crash.
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Rodney Lee Conover is a writer / performer, living in Southern California’s Mohave Desert with his whippet “Jack”