5 ways to maintain the MSM “Innocent Child” tag

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Our friend Doug Giles raised some good points in his recent column at the Clash Daily.

trayvonmartinnotreal11.  When you do flip off the camera, go with the one-hand F-you, rather than the double finger fongool. The double-finger F-you is too over the top.  One F-you should suffice as it’ll show that you are a gentleman that has restraint and are an innocent soul, almost … child like.

Indeed, the one-finger F-you can easily be explained as innocuous, childhood banter between chums.  For example, “Hi, do you want to play?  No?  Okay, F-you. Have a good day, talk to you later”.  See?

The double F-you is harder to explain away as it gives more of an “F-off and die”, adultish message via the two foul hand gestures which definitely are not childlike.  Just pray about it and see what Jesus says.


2.  Don’t call a neighborhood-watch volunteer a “creepy-ass cracker” just before you assault him.  If you do call someone this racist term, make certain you do not say it to your friend who’s going to rat you out during a future cross examination in court.


3. Try to limit how many times you say, “motherf’er” on Twitter as it looks un-childlike when it’s thrust into the court of public opinion.


4.  While at school, try not to get suspended for spray painting the children’s lockers with “WTF”, especially if you have in your current possession stuff like twelve articles of stolen women’s jewelry and a big-ass screw driver used for breaking into homes.


5.  While we’re on the topic of school, try not to bring your weed and weed pipe to school. If you do need to bring your hooch to school for your frequent panic attacks, or just to take the edge off the difficulties of the de rigueur of public education, try to conceal it better so you don’t get caught.

These are only the top five, but you can get all 13 over at Clash Daily,  Go check them out!

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  1. jer1041 says

    an anyone tell me how I might reply to this facebook message:

    Jeff wrote: “Jerry, look in the mirror. You’re the one marching in lockstep and blindly saluting your corporate masters as they systematically destroy this nation from within. You see, your problem is that, in your twisted mind, thanks to years of brainwashing by your rightwing media outlets, you’ve let yourself become convinced that ALL media outlets except YOURS are leftist, and therefore cannot be trusted. You immediately cast news aside, if it hasn’t come directly from your precious rightwing outlets. That’s sick and mangled, Jerry. But, you’re so heavily immersed in it that you can’t even see that. In YOUR mind, anyone who reads or watches actual news outlets is being duped, but in reality, it’s YOU who’ve been duped. And, honestly, if you really think that the GOP, with its batshit crazy contingent of fascist teabagger freaks, religious theocrat Christian Taliban zealots, woman-haters, racists, death merchants, gun worshippers, redneck assholes, and homophobes is “too far left,” you’re even further out of your mind than I’d previously thought. The inmates are running the asylum in wingnut land these days, and they’re driving your bus right over the cliff and to total obscurity. In five years, they will cease to be a viable political party, unless the few remaining sane people on board can wrestle control back and veer the party away from the abyss of the lunatic fringe. The party of no has officially become the party of insane.”

  2. David R. Williams says

    As a child you also don’t want to get caught with two of the three ingredients needed to make Lean that you boast about how much you love and how you love to make it when you lay in wait to attack someone and then they end up sending you to your maker.

  3. 2War Abn Vet says

    There are certain other facts the media have ignored. Treyvon was a thug, a burglar, a vandal, a thief, and a doper. He was walking around casing a neighborhood with a screwdriver in his pocket the night he died. He was on a swift downhill path before he ever encountered Zimmerman.

  4. bahndon says

    And do not brag about being a mixed martial arts fighter looking for a rematch because the last opponent did not bleed enough.

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