Who is Studying the Study-ers?

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31f123306ef88431e2bc6ade98afcfb9b43fd91a_mHow many times do you read or hear a news story about some sort of ‘study’ and think; how much did they pay for THAT? ‘Scientists Find Drinking Beer Makes You Fat;’ or ‘Study Concludes Politicians Don’t Always Tell Truth’… Yeah, no Shiite, Sherlock. Here are some of my favorites (snarky comments are mine):

– Eating egg yolks is as bad as smoking (what – from Pro-life Chicken Groups?)

– Watching pornography could make men better weightlifters (one arm, anway)

– Best position of penguin during defecation to calculate rectal pressure (‘Arch of the Penguins’?)

– Castration is the key for long life in men (or get married, same difference)

– Do Herring Communicate by Passing Gas (what happens when they shout?)

But all seriousness aside, what about when studies are used in a more nefarious manner? When instead of deductive reasoning, working their way down from the top, the person or group has a position they want to push or persuade people with and so they find a “study” that backs their thinking. Or worse, they fund research and contrive studies to legitimize what they’re saying scientifically or sociologically to support their agenda. It happens every day – especially in politics – and if you’re like me, you’re sick and tired of it.

“Studies conclude new light bulbs extend the life of humans worldwide…” What? Are you going to tell me enough time and peopnole were studied to come away with something that significant? Did they consider these bulbs are manufactured in China, powered by dirty coal plants which kill Chinese men by the thousands and pollute the air to an extent which ought to make Al Gore jump in a lake (there’s a thought)? It’s a skewed, agenda-driven study commissioned by anti-American, anti-business environmentalists – or worse yet – people who are making millions off the legislation. *Cough-cough*-Congress*-cough*lobbyists cough*special interest-cough…

“Study shows that children with gay parents grow up normal.” How the hell do they know that – because their study says so? Do we really know that or is that just what they hope? I bet it’s a lot of the latter, with studies being devised to support an agenda.

This one really ticks me and maybe that was the purpose, I don’t know: Someone named Amanda Fallin co-authored a study published in something called the ‘Tobacco Control journal’ with the full intent on concluding the Tea Party movement has been linked to the Tobacco Lobby for decades. Forget the fact that the Tea Party was a spontaneous grass-roots movement that didn’t even get started until the passage of ObamaCare – this woman has an agenda and she needed a “study” to make her ridiculous claim sound persuasive. If you guess that taxpayer dollars were used to fund it, you win a cookie.


It’s not just people studying dumbass stuff anymore. It’s not just people contriving studies to fool people into believing their fabrications. Now its outright propaganda – and you’re paying for it.

images (38)Of course the best examples are any studies funded by Global Warming alarmists who make money off global warming hysteria. Hundreds of millions of dollars have flowed into the bank account of Al Gore, who wins an Academy Award with his Chicken Little show about how burning fossil fuels are going to make the tides rise – then turns around and buys a mansion on the coast of California, where the tides are supposed to rise. He angrily screams the debate is over, whipping out study after study how the oil industry is destroying the planet – then sells his TV network to one of the largest oil-exporting countries in the world. I could go on, but there’s a study that says my head will explode, which will contribute to global warming and Al Gore will make millions off the video.

By the way, part of President Obama’s reckless ‘Stimulus’ disaster spent $1 million to study the health effects of environmentally friendly public housing on 300 people in Chicago. My guess is those 300 poor folks would rather split that (pinky to mouth) meelion bucks and get out of that lousy public housing all together. But this president is not interested in poor people outside of their votes. You knew I was going to get at least one Obama slam in there, right? He-he.

Before you ask, yes there are studies which show that studies are stupid. And there are studies which also confirm some earlier studies showing that studies are stupid and studies that… well, you get the picture.


Rodney Lee Conover is a writer / performer, living in Southern California’s Mohave Desert

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