Once upon a time, in a country of decent and hard working people, there lived a politician who sought adoration, money, and power. But, alas and alack, although he put forth his best effort and presented his oh-so-sincere speeches (with his lovely wife at his side) far and wide across the land, ultimately he suffered an election defeat at the hands of a grammatically challenged candidate who struggled to pronounce difficult words like “new-clar” (meaning nuclear).
Well ratz! To keep himself in the public eye, the attention-starved politician flip-flopped from politics to pollution and reinvented himself as the Prince of Green, protector of all things green including trees, algae, and Kermit. He denounced the evils of big oil, supported energy generated by shrimp on treadmills, and created a global warming scheme that generated buckets of green back dollars and turned him into a “fat cat,” financially and physically.
He tirelessly promoted himself while pontificating to save the planet even though legitimate scientific evidence proved that Earth was moving through a normal cycle of change and really, truly didn’t need saving. Irregardless of the truth, the Prince of Green sold millions of copies of his book, built a carbon-gobbling mansion, produced a documentary designed to scare the c-c-carbon out of viewers, received a gold Oscar, and a divorce—in that order.
In order to sell more books, “Earth First” bumper stickers and t-shirts, and his green agenda, the Prince of Green launched his very own cable network, Current TV. Unfortunately, the uber-left progressives and fruit-loop environmentalists he hired to represent his viewpoints attracted few viewers and even fewer greenback dollars. The prince decided to dump the network—speedy quick—since capital gains taxes were about to increase.
It just so happened that, at that exact time, a Prince of Truth (who loved his country and supported faith, family, and freedom), desired to expand his media reach and inquired about purchasing Current TV. But, since the Prince of Truth’s radio and television programs had exposed inconvenient facts about the schemes launched by the Prince of Green, his purchase overtures were refused. The reason given? Philosophical differences.
Soon thereafter, Muslim oil sheiks who also owned Al Jazerra TV, entered the bidding war. The oil-rich robber barons offered sufficient buckets of green backs to satisfy the greedy appetite of the Prince of Green. Never-you-mind that Al Jazeera was Al Qaedas’ favorite network and spewed forth hate-filled diatribes to champion extermination of Jews, homosexuals, Israel, and all non-Muslim infidels. The Prince flip-flopped again, and became the Prince of Greed as he jumped into bed with those whom he had previously cursed as “fossil fuel merchants of death.”
(The Prince of Greed justified the sale by calling it a vital step to “enhance dialogue” between countries and individuals with “shared goals and visions.”)
Americans, especially his former supporters said, “Tch! Tch! Tch! Just goes to show which side of the toast the Prince of Girth butters and over consumes.”
For $100 million greenbacks (his personal share of the take) the Prince of Greed gave America haters instant access into millions of homes in the country they were dedicated to destroy. They now could deliver brainwashing programs to influence pimply teenage boys to strap on home-made bombs, proclaim “Allah Akbar” (God is greatest) and blow themselves to smithereens in crowded pizza parlors.
So, how did the Prince of Greed spend his $100 Million Dollars? Did he experience a flip flop of conscience and hire Sherlock Holmes to search the far corners of the planet for his lost moral compass? Did he hire a public relations firm to redeem his damaged reputation as the green traitor who betrayed his country for 30 pieces of silver?
Say what? Are you kidding?
The Prince of Greed flipped his middle finger at his critics and declared “no big friggin’ deal.” He poured his oil blood money into another fantastical scam (carbon credits) that ultimately would tax people, factories, and farting cows for the carbon dioxide they released into the atmosphere.
Did he live happily ever? Who knows? Who really cares?
One thing for sure, the Prince of Greed became the most succe$$ful and filthy rich former American vice-president and failed presidential candidate of all time.
Granny Guerrilla, Molli Nickell, encourages patriots to wake up, wise up, stand up, and speak out. A former publisher, motivational speaker, Time-Life editor, and author, Molli writes Politically Incorrect fables to amuse patriots, enlighten low-information voters, and irritate left-wing progressives. Additional fables and daily rants are available at www.grannyguerrilla.com