Once upon a time . . . the President (who wanted to be king) studied his daily popularity poll numbers and broke into a cold sweat. The most terrible, awful, worse-case scenario was occurring. Non-ending scandals were eroding his fan base. No longer was he adored and worshiped by the easily-duped commoners.
He thought, Drats and double drats! I gotta get millions more loyal followers on my team so my team can prevail in the 2014 elections. Otherwise, I’ll never get what I want . . . I’ll never get to be king.
He wrung his hands in despair, until . . .
The Missus (who wanted to be queen) sashayed into the room, followed by dozens of pastry chefs and her usual entourage of special assistants. She presented the President with a very special cake.
When he tried to sample the frosting, she slapped his hand away. He grumbled, “Probably made out of tofu anyway.”
The Missus frowned and said, “Don’t be silly. This is the Senate’s comprehensive immigration cake. It contains their favorite ingredients: amnesty, open borders, and unending entitlements including Obamacare.”
She continued. “Once the Senate accepts the recipe, the amnesty cake will bake for a long, long time while 10 to 40 million illegals emerge from the shadows to be counted and fined (wink, wink). Then the cake will cool on a rack while Homeland Security decides if there is a need for border security, or not.”
The President pointed to several undecorated cupcakes. “What are these?”
The Missus told him, “These are citizenship-denied cupcakes for newborns whose mothers are in the country illegally.”
The President started to stick his finger into a cupcake decorated with an alligator, but thought better of it and pulled his hand back to avoid being slapped again.
The Missus said, “That cupcake contains the one ingredient most favored by the House of Representatives: border security. They want to bake this one first.“
Next, ten pastry chefs struggled to present a huge cake to the President. He ducked down behind it to sneak a frosting sample. But whoopsie! The cake was rock hard.
The missus explained. “This is the set-in-stone amnesty cake that will be carved into shape by the conference committee: your progressive pals from the Senate and the House.”
Once this cake is completed, your loyal ACORN community organizers . . . whoopsie, I mean, your Organizing for America volunteers, will register millions of new citizens to vote, sign them up for Obamacare, and hand out “come-on-over” invitations for them to send to relatives in other countries.”
Just then, the Czar of Misinformation rushed into the room and breathlessly announced, “Oh dear, oh dear! The House of Representatives isn’t going to bake their immigration cupcakes until they discuss the ingredients in town hall meetings with the commoners. They won’t bring it to a vote until next spring.
But, this may be a good thing. I have a suggestion that will . . .”
The Missus exploded with rage. “How dare they!” She stomped around in a major hissy fit and bumped into the pastry chefs who dropped the amnesty cake. It crashed to the floor and broke into a million pieces.
She screamed, “Off with your heads you clumsy oafs.” They fled in terror.
The Czar, who had been cowering behind the President, whispered in his ear.
The President grinned. “Chill out my dear. I have a resolution to this problem. Let the other side believe they’ve won when they delay action on immigration reform. Then, just before the 2014 elections, I’ll issue an Executive Order granting amnesty for all illegal aliens. I’ll give them welfare, food stamps, Obamacare subsidies, and ballots printed in their native languages.”
“In gratitude, they’ll vote for my side in the November congressional elections. I’ll own the House of Representatives and the Senate. I’ll pass cap ‘n trade, increase taxes on small business, make Common Core mandatory for public schools, pass gun control, diminish Medicare reimbursement for doctors, silence journalists, expand my citizen surveillance and tracking programs, banish conservative talk radio, and control the internet.”
He gloated. “Here’s the frosting on my amnesty cake. Congress will abolish term limits so I can be re-elected for a third term, then a fourth. I’ll remain in office forever thanks to the votes of 46 million new democrat immigrants who will have flooded into America by 2023.
Republicans will never, ever win an election again.
I just can’t wait to be crowned King!”
Want a FREE CHAPTER download from my upcoming book, “How Uncle Scam $teals and $quanders Your Money?” CLICK HERE. A former publisher, Time-Life editor, motivational speaker, and author, Molli Nickell writes Politically Incorrect fables to amuse patriots, enlighten low-information voters, and piss off progressives.
Read additional fables and daily rants on her website. www.grannyguerrillas.com