Huh! Huh huh!!! He said book-burning with Michele Bachmann! Huh! Huh huh!!
Every time we think the Chi-town ass-clown sets a new bar in low-class behavior, he finds a way to be an even bigger punk. Just this week, all five living presidents gathered at the christening of the President Bush Presidential Library. Each president offered a few words; each was brief and dignified, making sure it was President George W Bush’s day. Except for guess-who. He used the occasion to pimp for his illegal immigrant amnesty program. Nice going, jerk.
Unfortunately, I’m not certain that was the low point for the week in presidential class. It may not have even been the second-lowest point for the week. Was it the picture of Barack striking a brooding pose for the White House photographer, staring out the window to show his “feelings” for the Boston Marathon victims, while his Attorney General was shutting down questioning of the surviving suspect? Or was it the cheap shots he took at political enemies in what is traditionally a presidential self-bashing stand-up comedy act for the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner?
Regardless, since it’s clear what Barack thinks is fair game in humor, now we know what’s fair in talking about him. So let’s have a few laughs then, shall we? Hey, it’s all in good fun, right?
Guns, dancing, and the incredible whiteness of being
- Is it right to let a guy grab our guns when he doesn’t know that you generally try to shoot skeet up at the top of their arc?
- Speaking of guns, it appears Barack finally did find an industry he could stimulate….
- It’s pretty hard to position yourself as “down with the struggle” when you play basketball and hit 2 of 21 shots while not even being guarded. Seriously, that’s playing like a white guy. And I don’t mean like Dirk Nowitski. I mean like Joe Biden.
- On the other hand, when the Navy Seals took out Bin Laden, Barack’s end-zone dance made Michael Jackson look like just another pale white guy…..oh wait…..
- Big changes in gun control and immigration are on the front burner for a whole 8% of Americans, while at least 60% say the economy is their #1 item. Nevertheless Barack plunges full steam ahead whith his “dope and change” while the economy remains mired in a 5-year long slump and debt has soared to $17 trillion. You’d think a guy with Dumbo-size ears would be able to hear the American people a little better.
Hard labor, vacations, and golf
- Critics say that he won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize for doing nothing. Not so. Finding somebody even less competent than himself to run as Vice President was not all that easy. And Barbara Boxer said no.
- Barack was very pro-union until the NBA players union rejected his membership application on the “must shoot at least 10% while unguarded” clause.
- When Barack illegally appointed 3 members to the NLRB via “recess appointment” when the Senate was not in recess, it was an honest mistake. He just assumed the Senate took vacations as often as he did.
- And what is all the criticism of separate vacations? Isn’t it the American Dream to go on a private golfing excursion with Tiger Woods, while your angry harpy wife goes almost anywhere else?
- Speaking of golf, he recently got graded on his overall skills: Drives: F; Long irons: D; Chips: F; Putts: F. Joe Biden said, “Mister President, looks like you’ve been spending too much time on one subject.”
- In the blank where it asks for “handicap”, he always writes “my unerring honesty.” Joe Biden always writes “my unerring honesty.” …..[this one may take a minute….]
- Obama calls a 108 in golf “the new normal.”
- The Republicans really are dumb. They were mystified that Barack showed no interest in turning the economy around. When unemployment struck a “new normal” around 8-10% and all the Democrats did was increase taxes and regulation, more confusion. It wasn’t until Republicans saw the phrase “absentee ballot, check here for party-line Democrat” on food stamp forms that the light came on.
- It’s often been said, “running the economy is just like throwing a baseball.”
Prince Charming and the Snow White Campaign Staff
- When David Axelrod suggested that Barack go on a “charm offensive”, he didn’t hear the first word.
- Speaking of Axelrod, there’s a guy who took quite a bit of heat when he suggested Barack name the presidential dog “Miss California”. What’s less well-known is what precipitated that incident. He heard that Carrie Prejean had shaved her own dog’s butt and taught it to walk backward. She said the dog’s face looked too much like David Axelrod.
- Much was made of Mitt Romney’s “binders full of women” in his effort to increase diversity and identify qualified women to work in his administration as governor of Massachusetts. At the same time, ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, MSNBC, the Washington Post, the New York Times, and the Obama campaign staff all had “binders full of anybody not communist.”
Foreign tea and TOTUS
- Some people thought it was funny when Barack gave the Queen an iPod containing speeches given by him. That was nothing compared to the fun when he gave the Saudi King an iPod containing music by Queen.
- He takes quite a bit of criticism for seeming never to criticize Muslims. So, when he said “And it’s not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them,” you’re gonna tell me he was talking about redneck tea-party terrorists? What, in Central Pennsylvania or something?
- People don’t realize how easily Barack solved the problem of border security and illegal immigration. He had Janet Napolitano declare the border was secure, and he changed the name to “undocumented workers.” Snap. Oh, and SNAP….
- Q. How do you know when Barack is lying?
- A. When TOTUS is turned on.
- Q. How can you tell when TOTUS is working properly?
- A. Barack looks like he’s calling the play by play on a tennis match.
- Q. How do you know when TOTUS is malfunctioning?
- A. He sounds like this….
It sure is fun, playing by the President’s rules. Ain’t it?
Dominari Nolo – I will not bow
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