Top Ten Hugo Chavez Bucket List

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So I thought about this. How best to note the passing of Hugo Chavez? He was an evil, murderous hump who sucked the freedom and prosperity out of a nation of 30 million that freely elected him in 1998, supported terrorism and thugocrats the world over, and intended harm to the United States.

This is what I came up with.

Top Ten Bucket List items Hugo Chavez never finished.

  • 10: live to see George W Bush dead.
  • 9: stamp out that pesky little freedom and democracy movement in Honduras.
  • 8: see $8/gallon gas in the United States.
  • 7: win the Nobel Peace Prize in Economics for my finely tuned “hey screw that taxing the rich stuff, let’s just confiscate all their wealth and industry” economic policy.
  • 6: get some basketball lessons from Dennis Rodman. Never could effectively defend the pick and roll. Perhaps some hair coloring and dress-wearing tips while I have his attention. By the gods, THERE’s a man who’s got the legs for high heels!
  • 5: bump and grind with the First Wookie to High School Musical tunes.
  • 4: outride, outshoot, out-alligator-wrestle, and out-shirtless-model Vlad Putin in the Tinpot Dictator Decathlon.
  • 3: pull off a triple-axel / triple toe loop combo to thunderous applause in the 2014 Winter Olympics [which by the way scores pretty high in lady’s competitions]
  • 2: have all newborn children in Venezuela – both male and female – named Hugo.

And….. #1 on the old rat bastard’s bucket list?
Wait for it…….

  • 1: for Sean Penn to just PLEASE fricking go away and find a new friend. What an idiot. Follows me around like a rash.

What…. too soon?

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