President Barack Obama finally gave his 2016 State of the Union speech. It was expected to be the first of 373 such speeches, one for each day he remains in office. Drenched in pompous circumstance, the theme of the speech was “The right thing to do.”
While the following presidential proclamations (below) did not make the final State of the Useless draft, they fit in perfectly with the theme:
“When talking nonsense, tilt your head up to show seriousness. People will not know your head is up your hide. It’s the right thing to do.”
“Demonize conservatives vigorously. Toss out words recklessly. Conduct foreign policy perpendicularly and rectally. It’s the right thing to do”
“Embrace multiculturalism. Hire Islamist babysitters. Your kids will probably not be beheaded. Support ISIS for tots. It’s the right thing to do.”
“When a suicide bomber blows up a nursery, pray for him. He must be hurting inside to take his own life. Empathize. It’s the right thing to do.”
“To negotiate the release of hostages kidnapped by Iran, click your heels together three times. Say ‘Fuzzy wuzzy muzzie mullahs.’ It’s the right thing to do.”
“When giving Iran nuclear bombs, make them promise not to use them. Demand they pinky swear and cross their heart. It’s the right thing to do.”
“When beating cops to death with flashlights, use eco-friendly batteries. #BlackLivesMatter? Go green when killing blue. It’s the right thing to do.”
“When running around naked in winter, tell others it’s summer. Say that nakedness strengthens multiculturalism. It’s the right thing to do.”
“We should be against letting puppies sodomize kittens. It’s the right thing to do.”
“When sniffing your own anus and admiring the scent, mention climate change. Deodorize the smell of failure. It’s the right thing to do.”
“When trying to win Powerball, hold them tight. Feel the power. Feel the balls. If you don’t win, blame Bush. It’s the right thing to do.”
“Playing hopscotch is insensitive to kids in wheelchairs. They cannot jump fast. Have kids read the Koran instead. It’s the right thing to do.”
“Reduce child gun deaths. Ban shooting games. Do not let kids shoot pool, dice, or marbles. Play with sock puppets. It’s the right thing to do.”
“Being a leftist minority lets me claim I’m a good president and Spike Lee is a good film-maker. ‘Do the right thing.’ It’s the right thing to do.”
“To relax before my big speech, I took mind-altering drugs. I made no sense, but I didn’t care. Ban lucidity. It’s the right thing to do.”
“While prancing around the White House stoned in a pink tutu, sing ‘I’m a little teapot.’ You will still suck as a leader but you will feel very pretty.”
“Nothing scares ISIS, al Qeada, Boko Haram and other Islamists like a metrosexual doing his morning ballet plie. Nothing makes evildoers tremble like giving them the cold Pajamaboy intense scare. Then to top it off, give a speech detailing how awesome you are. Show as much arrogance as possible. Narcissism is ok when it really is about you. Say it with me, citizens of the world, with your head tilted at the exact right angle and your pre-rehearsed voice cadence to convey sincerity. IT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.”
Normally it is wrong to wish violence on some of our fellow Americans, but if everyone who says “it’s the right thing to do” is beaten with a bat, it would reduce ecologically dangerous political gasses.
Only an utterly insufferable pompous ass feels the need to repeatedly say something is the right thing to do. Only a pointy-headed academic who has never held a real job would lecture everyone else about how to do their jobs.
“I am right because I say so. It is the right thing to do because I said it and I agree with what I said because I said it. I am right because I am.”
Only a liberal would act in such an obnoxious manner. You would never see a conservative behaving this way. It is called smugness. It remains one of the most detestable human qualities.
The opposite of smugness is humility. Humble people do not need to spend every minute saying they are right. They just do right.
Only a liberal would fail to understand why this matters so much, and why so many people are disgusted with President Barack Obama’s obsession with telling us everything he believes is the right thing to do..
It is time to make America normal again. It is time to elect leaders who do right rather than a failed narcissist who does everything wrong while telling us that everything he believes in is the right thing to do.
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