Ban the Conquistador Flag!

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After a white racist murdered nine innocent black people in a Charleston, South Carolina church, liberals needed a distraction.

The public is uninterested in restricting video games.

The left is unwilling to deal with the real problem of mental illness. The only solution was to ban the Confederate flag, which had absolutely nothing to do with the Charleston murders.

There are legitimate reasons to remove the Confederate flag from government buildings, but the left never learns how to declare victory and go home.

Now liberals are restricting Dukes of Hazzard  merchandise because the General Lee has a Confederate flag on it. As expected, leftist college professors and black separatists now want to ban the American flag.

There is no limit to how absurd liberals will behave in their desire to ban anything and everything. Therefore, let’s follow the trail of grievances to its illogical but inevitably leftist conclusion.

Liberals can demand that Chicago and Detroit reduce black on black crime by pulling Confederate flags from…oh wait…never mind. Those cities have liberal Mayors and are therefore finished.

To earn money, inner city black drug dealers can now sell black market Confederate flags.

These same black drug dealers can expand their product line further and start selling Confederate flag-wrapped marijuana cigarettes. Libertarians will be buying and smoking them as fast as they can.

Illiterate protesters must now demand a ban on confetti, confessionals, Constantinople flags and Conquistador flags.

We must ban anything resembling something hurting anyone’s feelings. Ban the Conquistador Flag! Death to Conquistadoristan! Conquer all Conqs!

Told about a proposed ban on the Conquistador flag, Millennials asked, “What did Canada ever do to you?” before returning to their Common Core audiobooks.

Many Millennials do not have the attention span for an audiobook, much less a real one. They used the Common Core Iphone app hidden in Angry Birds and Words with Friends.

In addition to banning the Conquistador Flag, America needs a ban on Conquistador marriage and a ban on sports team names featuring hard to spell words.

A better idea is to place the blame for racial animosity and bigotry where it has always belonged. Democrats should apologize for being the party of slavery. Democrat National Committee Chair Debbie Wasserman-Schultz should pay reparations out of DNC funds.

Then we should let the healing begin by stopping the spread of hatred. All pictures of Barack Obama and Eric Holder must be removed from the Capitol buildings. Hillary Clinton and all other Democrats must pull all of their campaign ads because they spread race, class and gender divisions.

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