ISIS forced King Abdullah, Brian Williams and Bruce Jenner to Vaccinate Their Children?

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ISIS forced King Abdullah, Brian Williams and Bruce Jenner to vaccinate their children, according to an NBC News report.

Now, on to the news of the past few days.

ELECTION 2016

Do not trust any Election 2016 advice from voters who rise at 4:00 a.m., put on a tuxedo, go out in subzero weather, and seek advice from a groundhog.

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is vowing to cut the pay of college professors. He now needs extra Secret Service protection to keep away legions of conservatives trying to hug him.

Hillary Clinton is trying to become the Grandma-In-Chief. Jews call their grandma “Bubbie.” Hillary’s grandchild is part Jewish, making Hillary Beelzebubbie.

The Ideal Democrat presidential nominee is a tri-racial Latina wheel-chair bound transsexual pygmy. Democrats are bigoted if they choose lily-white Hillary Clinton.

NATIONWIDE

Parents are now thinking that the day before they die they will buy insurance through every company except Nationwide.

Peyton Manning hummed the Nationwide theme and lost his home playoff game. Tom Brady did not and won the Super Bowl. Nationwide: Killing kids and quarterback dreams.

Seattle Seahawks offensive coordinator Darrell Bevell is counting his blessings. He could be the marketing head at Nationwide.

VACCINATION

Hillary Clinton should be vaccinated with truth serum. She spreads the disease of lying.

Kids are vaccinated for protection from contagious diseases. For the same reason, keep kids out of public schools. Stupidity and indoctrination are equally communicable. We can protect kids from measles but not from being shot or stabbed over a pair of sneakers.

Vaccinate your kids or they could end up like Russell Brand.

Jews are being warned to vaccinate their kids or they may grow up to be Palestinians. Symptoms include suicide bombing and delusional rantings about Israel‘s land

Willie Nelson health tip: Vaccinate your kids or they’ll grow up to be cowboys. Give them pot so they won’t know the difference.

Take everyone refusing to vaccinate and quarantine them on a separate island so they can eliminate each other through illness.

ISIS and JORDAN

Do not panic. President “I got this” will not let ISIS beheadings delay him from releasing his March Madness NCAA brackets on time.

Jordan threatened to execute ISIS suicide bombers. Kill suicide bombers? First let’s ensure their Nationwide policies are intact. It could be worse. American colleges give bombers tenure.

An ISIS video of a pilot being burned alive was sent to the Academy Awards committee. Oscars voters will nominate the video if the pilot was a Republican.

ISIS will kill at will sans consequences through January 20, 2017. They’ve accelerated their brutality in case the next president is an adult who will stop them.

President Obama insisted that ISIS cannot just kill at will. ISIS and Islamist Millennials chanted, “Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!”

Lynching update: POTUS unable to determine ISIS’s religion. ISIS are not Jews, Christians, Buddhists, or Hindus. Allah Akbar is not an atheist code.

Until Democrats publicly call out radical Islam, they should replace their donkey symbol with an ostrich.

Michelle Obama’s aerobics classes are dangerous. She yelled “rise up.” Her metrosexual Pajamaboy hubby heard ISIS” and got his head lodged up his hide. Poor guy. The Affordable Care Act does not cover cranial-gluteal extraction surgery.

Should KFC in Jordan serve ISIS legs and breasts barbecue flavored or extra crispy? Should Code Pink demand vegan or Halal option first?

Jordan executed two ISIS terrorists. Meanwhile, America cannot even stop domestic terrorists UC Davis, Code Pink and Al Sharpton.

Jordan’s King Abdullah is doing the dirty work the ‎POTUS won’t do. Abdullah will unleash hell without United Nations permission. ISIS confused Jordan with France.

Jordan is waging war with ISIS. Arab Muslims are killing each other. Dear Jews: Shut up and get out of the way. It is Allah’s will, so be it.

The White House is confused by Jordan‘s reaction to ISIS. King ‎Abdullah explained it is called “doing something.” The POTUS requested a translator.

SISI is ISIS backward. Do not confuse this with SISSY, our backward metrosexual Pajamaboy POTUS who says “forward” as ISIS marches forward.

The POTUS says we will “redouble” our efforts against ISIS. When told 0 x 2 = 0, the POTUS vowed to triple our efforts, quadrupling his usefulness.

Jordan needs to crush ISIS until they run away faster than Hillary Clinton being chased by reporters asking questions about issues.

ISIS killed a United States hostage. The POTUS broke out his veto pen and phone, declared the hostage as alive as General Motors, and told ISIS he is disappointed in them.

When asked to speak about the murdered U.S. hostage, the POTUS said, “Let me clear, make no mistake, right thing to do, climate change, forward, fairness.”

FoxNews’s Shephard Smith travels to hot spots. He must wish he got the Pearl Harbor assignment. Hawaii is lovelier than Amman, Jordan.

Scared ISIS fighters are running for the hills. “Look out! It’s President Obama! He’s talking! His finger is in the air! He’s wielding a pen! It’s Professor Postulate!” This was an ‎NBC News report, so it must be true. Hope! Change! Yes, we can!

On further review, our anti-gun metrosexual selfie-taking Pajamaboy POTUS would never risk ruining his golf clubs or his fingernails getting in a scuffle with bad guys.

BRIAN WILLIAMS

Brian Williams evaded sniper fire with Hillary Clinton and John Kerry in Cambodia. Dan Rather followed Walter Cronkite, so thats the way it is.

If Brian Williams gets in any more trouble lying, he can get promoted toWhite House spokesman. Hillary2016 may hire her sniper fire pal.

Facing sniper fire or a chopper shooting is like seeing a 400 pound transsexual wearing spandex. You do not forget that.

Did ISIS lie and use fake footage of a U.S. hostage? Who does ISIS think they are, NBC News? Even Dan Rather expected better of ISIS.

Brian Williams devaluing NBC News is like saying the successor to the currentPOTUS would devalue White House. Absolute zero cannot be devalued.

PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES

At the 2016 National Prayer Breakfast, I will announce the number of people dead due to a religious cult run by the ‎POTUS.

The POTUS refusing to meet with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin ‎Netanyahu is like my ex-girlfriend threatening me with the silent treatment while I’m watching football. It’s like a teachers’ strike. Who cares?

The POTUS is the world’s Ed McMahon. He sits on the couch, laughs, smiles and lets other people carry him. The POTUS does not do. He just is.

If the POTUS gets any more useless and narcissistic, the Academy Awards will give him an ‎Oscars Lifetime Achievement Award. Achieve? Do? The O just be.

Liberals say that Mexican illegal immigrants do the jobs that Americans will not do. The next illegal Mexican caught here should be made POTUS.

If the POTUS cared about the environment he would stop talking. His words are like a tree falling in the forest. Analyzing his deeds requires he do any.

When the POTUS speaks, a hush falls over the crowd. They arere asleep. This explains the piped in crowd noise. The baby seal clapping sounds are from MSNBC.

The POTUS is not that bright. He thinks the ‎Crusades were led by Batman. The POTUS is the Caped Crusader’s sidekick Boy Blunder. Is ‎ISIS a Joker? The President is a smoker and a midnight toker.

The POTUS would never make it as a Jew. He is quadruple the age of Bar Mitzvah boys and still has not entered manhood. Why would the POTUS need to read the Torah? The O thinks he wrote it.

BRUCE JENNER

Bruce Jenner is now a woman. So what? Real news would be if thePOTUS ever becomes a man.

Bruce Jenner is now a woman. After legally changing his name, he remains the frontrunner for the 2016 Democrat nomination and a proud grandmother. Some people will do anything to get elected.

BruceJenner is now a woman. This has been verified. Unlike the POTUS, Jenner kept a promise. Finally someone delivered a change we can believe in.

This concludes the news. Meanwhile, the world is on fire, the economy is awful, and the POTUS does not care. In two more years he is out of our lives.

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