The Great DeflateGate Debate Update

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With the Super Bowl just over one week away and the Pro Bowl being ignored, the NFL has been consumed with “DeflateGate.”

DeflateGate is not nothing. It’s not everything. It’s a mild thing, barely. With that, here is the Great DeflateGate Debate Update.

Tom Brady said he could not tell if the ball was deflated by two inches. What if Gisele Bundchen got a reduction from 36D to 34C? When something a guy touches every day deflates by two inches, a guy notices.

Bill Belichick tried to defuse the scandal by boring the media to death. He could be President.

Patriots fan John Kerry can’t be blamed for DeflateGate. The Patriots spike footballs after touchdown successes. Kerry spikes it after failing.

Kerry is not to blame for Deflate Gate. He only spikes the football in Israel‘s face. The Colts owner is not Jewish.

If Katy Perry were deflated two inches she would still be inappropriate for the family friendly Super Bowl. Ask the Children’s Television Workshop of ‎Sesame Street.

At least Tom Brady knows that ISIS is serious. He did not call them the JV team. If Brady’s a Democrat, cheating and lying would make him a top tier presidential candidate. He has twice as many out-of-wedlock kids as John Edwards.

(Brady is a loving husband and father. He has only been accused of cheating in his football life.)

Tom Brady said ‎the Patriots footballs were deflated because Rob ‎Gronkowski spiked them too hard. Who knew Gronk was president?

If Michael Hutchins of INXS were alive, he’d have no comment on DeflateGate. He’d say pretty Kate had sex all night. Liberate. Mediate.

Anybody who cites weather conditions for DeflateGate is automatically guilty. Blame it on the rain is the Milli Vanilli excuse. An automatic death penalty is required.

Did Belichick and Brady lie? Did they cheat? Is coed touch football in the rain awesome? Young me said they don’t know, are not sure, and absolutely.

Belichick runs the Patriots like a drill Sergeant. That explains why his press conference imitated Sgt. Schultz from Hogan’s Heroes. At least Tom Brady’s wife does not have to fake the accent.

Hopefully none of the Patriots ballboys are Jewish. The last thing needed is for DeflateGate to become a Zionist conspiracy.

President Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder are investigating the race of the Patriots ballboys.

If they are white, they “acted stupidly.” If they are black, then Tom Brady did. Joe Biden is being called in for a beer summit.

The President is desperate to comment about DeflateGate. It kills him that the media is ignoring him. Football matters. He doesn’t.

The best way to punish the Patriots is for the Seahawks Richard Sherman,Kam Chancellor and the rest of the Legion of Boom to deflate Tom Brady.

Footballs deflate when spiked to the ground. So do quarterbacks.

DeflateGate keeps people from having to toggle between FOX News and NFL Network. This is what Louie Armstrong meant when he sang, “What a wonderful world.”

King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia died at 90, leading to one question. Did Tom Brady purposely deflate footballs or not?

Hopefully President Obama doesn’t know that Patriots owner Robert Kraft is Jewish. The United Nations may accuse New England of disproportionate use of force against the Colts.

Obama may redistribute two touchdowns to the Colts in the interest of fairness. 45-7 is unnecessary. 31-21 is enough of a win.

The State of the Union had a GOP rebuttal. Make DeflateGate even better. Rex Ryan must hold a press conference. The topic is irrelevant. Just let him talk.

Tom Brady‘s DeflateGate press conference was like the State of the Union except it was interesting and it matters.

I’m not saying DeflateGate is making the Patriots angry, but freeing Aaron Hernandez and asking him to visit reporters privately is excessive.

Can ONE reporter at these Patriots DeflateGate press conferences ask Tom Brady about the Tuck Rule? It was a fumble!

This concludes the most recent Great Deflategate Debate Update.

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