When I was on the streets my love life consisted of looking at bra ads in the JC Penney circular of the Sunday papers. No doubt our society is tough on women and appearance. Blonde, blue eyed girls, thin with big boobs, please.
Well, on the streets and out of touch with culture, our society’s influence started to naturally wear out of my psyche, so to speak. One day I woke up and knew I preferred a woman most would call heavy set.
Plastic surgery, diets of every sort, eating disorders. Here is a story of a woman who found some self acceptance after some struggle.
Jane felt on top of the world for most of her life. Blonde hair, blues eyes and large perfectly formed breasts; she was adored everywhere she went and always treated others kindly. Not that she was kind, but she felt sorry for them because they were not her.
There was no chink in her beauty armour until Kim Kardashian, and J Lo brought the ass back in a very big way. She was a little startled at first, but Jane was a quick thinker and signed up, right away, for a trainer down at the gym. She would work hard until her tiny fanny was as big and round and strong as any of those ethnic girls.
After two months she began to despair; her ass was a combination of iron, rock and steel, a kind person would have called it perky, but in her heart she knew it was as flat and as thin as it ever was. The stress was also starting to show on her face. Her once flawless skin contained a few pimples and dark circles appeared below her pretty blue eyes.
Meanwhile the other ladies in her social circle were having a field day both behind her back and to her face. They were returning that false kindness she had perfected. “Darling you are looking a little drained, are you feeling all right?” “Anything I can do?” Wolfish smiles doing little to hide wolfish intentions.
One night she was trying not to cry as it would make for not just black circles but puffy black circles under her eyes. She was enraged at God for giving her such a despicable ass, but the tears finally came and she drifted off to sleep. In her dream an anorexic red head appeared with a flat nose. Jane wanted to run away screaming she had never seen anyone so hideous and ugly. The anorexic must have read Jane’s thoughts because she kept asking, “Why do you hate me? Why do you hate me.” Jane thought, Well it’s obvious. I hate you because you are ugly.
She started to awaken and a new thought entered her mind. “Ugliness is love, ugliness is love.” Her lips were saying it as her eyes opened.
When she was fully awake she knew the anorexic in her dream was her own ass talking to her. She pulled on her yoga pants and ran to the mirror as she had done every morning for the past three months. Her ass was as flat and thin as ever, but the usual rage and shame didn’t well up this time, in fact, she felt rather peaceful in the predawn light and decided she would take a break from the gym today.
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