Once I started feeling better on the streets, I had come out of a great depression you see and was ready to live again in a big way, and I wasn’t going to wait until I had a bunch of money to start enjoying things.
Life I said, more life please.
One thing that helped with my recovery and this is a side note I guess. I started smoking cigarettes. With post traumatic stress disorder comes hyper-vigilance, in other words you are in sort of a constant state of fight or flight, unable to relax even while sleeping. I would wake up five or six times a night just to take a look around and make sure I was all right.
Well tobacco is considered sacred in several cultures, but certainly not ours today, the morality police think they know what healthy is and wants everybody to conform to their ideas; it is bullshit of course. Once I started smoking that vigilance started to give way some and I could enjoy things again without constantly wondering if someone was coming after me. I used to go through the Wal-Mart ash bin twice a day and pull out the long butts. I have smoked every kind of cigarette known to America I bet.
I started hanging out in front of this gas station in Mansfield, Texas. I was kind to the clerks and they liked having me around because I was big enough to scare anybody who might have planned on doing something stupid.
One day I asked a lady coming out if she might have an extra cigarette, she was probably in her mid 60’s. She was happy to oblige and started talking to me, turned out she was taking care of her aging momma and was pretty depressed herself. To cut to the chase here, we started making out while she was sitting in her car and I was standing on the outside. It just felt good you know, especially after six years of very little touch what so ever. Not that I am a prostitute but she did end up giving me some more cigarettes.
A couple of days later the owner of the gas station came up to me and wanted to talk, I was sure I was in trouble. Evidentially one of the clerks had told him what happened and he watched the video tape. He said, ” I want you to know you are a very interesting guy and I mean that in the best way.” I had become legendary. Here is a little hobo tune I wrote about living the good life.
I do what I do
I do what I do, God bless God and I do what I do
I like a bottle of Mad-dog now and again
I fall down drunk and I pray for a friend
I fall down drunk and then I pray for a friend
You know I love the ladies, how could I not
I bring them gifts from the dumpster
and tell them they are store bought
Love cigarettes, smoke them end to butt
people say I am going to hell
and I say oh so what
Seven years homeless cause I could not trust myself
now I trust God, cause there ain’t nothing else
Peace to you folks, enjoy yourselves out there today.
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