Here are some reflections on how to be kind to the person who needs it the most, which is you of course.
There is a little known verse in the Bible, well at least I haven’t heard to many people refer to it. It is in Luke toward the end of the Sermon on the Mount, it goes like this: For God is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Then it makes it pretty clear God wants us to be the same way. Well we are a Christian nation so to speak, yet we ain’t exactly kinding each other to death. Well a person who doesn’t like himself or herself is going to have a hard time liking anybody else.
Most of my time on the streets was me trying to figure out a way not to hate myself. I was filled shame and raging at myself all the time. Well God was working on me over time and sometime toward the end of my stay in Texas I didn’t think I was maybe that bad after all.
That was also the time I started writing Hobo Metaphysics. One of my first was kind of a poem really:
Loving your neighbor as yourself is hard to do
when most people loathe themselves through and through
if about yourself this is true
try loving just God for a while
until you understand he is constantly loving you
Jack spends most of his time between buying pot, selling pot, smoking pot and spare changing. He is a young kid, maybe early twenties.
He has a full beard, long hair and wears a sleeping bag around his shoulders. He is a kind, smart aleck and I enjoy exchanging barbs back and forth with him. I also give him blankets, hats and scarves because he is always losing stuff. He likes having me around.
One cold morning he laid his bag down on the sidewalk in front of Starbucks out of foot traffic. He tells me to watch this, he then proceeds to cover himself completely in the sleeping bag and smoke a bowl as the business class hurried by on their way to doing something important. A while later he sticks his head out of the bag and says, “I love farting in here.”
He is around while I give the business class some shit about human interaction. I tell him I am trying to find my kindness, but have trouble sometimes. He says, “I love kindness” like it is the most important thing in the world, and it just may be.
Are you a secret self hater trying to be perfect for others and the God that made you? Well here is another metaphysic and a short poem about that: You don’t have to be perfect to except God’s love, you just have to be.
No one is watching,
be kind to yourself
no one to show how hard you are striving,
be kind to yourself,
No one is watching, let that competitive streak melt
you can be kind to yourself,
with nothing to prove to yourself to others
so be just be
be kind and gentle with yourself
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