When I first found myself homeless in the Florida Keys, I was an emotional beast full of demons and anxiety and bereft of any comfort.
For one thing I had been a newspaper reporter in the very affluent, but relatively small town, of Islamorada. I was extremely embarrassed to be brought so low after that high status job.
Anyway in my mind I had to find some work. You should have seen the folks trying to be polite to the obviously insane guy asking for a job. I smelled bad, couldn’t stop my hands from shaking and my eyes darted everywhere. Then I would get pissed off, because I could tell they thought I was insane. I would often slam the door as a way of saying, so there.
After a while I quit looking and just sort of adapted to being homeless. I got very skinny at first, I didn’t have any money, and had not let myself dumpster dive yet, I was prideful you see. People would bring me food on occasion but it was inconsistent.
It is nearing Christmas and I, as usual, am taking my time getting to the point.
The point is how to be kind to yourself when things ain’t looking so good. I developed a few prayers while on the streets. One day I was sitting under a telephone pole, and I just said, “comfort me,” well I immediately started feeling a kind of warmth working on my heart and it was comforting. It felt so good, I stopped using it, if that makes any sense. Just did not think I deserved it yet. I believed I had messed up enough, I had to punish myself some more. It would be another six years before I actually trusted that God still loved me, the sinner that I was.
Sure Christ suffered on the Cross, but that was a very brief moment in what was, from what I can tell, an incredibly joy filled life. A lot of us may get the idea that we are supposed to suffer. I know I did, but God is slowly changing my mind about that.
Christmas can bring up a lot of ghosts for people. It is supposed to be a joy filled time with family and friends. But, as you know, families can be a source of pain as well as joy. So if you are alone this Christmas time, or simply lonely despite having people around, why not ask God for some comfort? I promise you he will be happy to oblige. If you need a friend, well you have one in me. Hobo John here, I love you with everything that I have.
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